


Caged

by MercyChild



Category: Adommy - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7401913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyChild/pseuds/MercyChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy Joe is losing it. He goes to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all he could do was to get drunk again. Currently in the aftermath of a nasty break-up, he's not doing much lately. While studying law, he wants to become a musician, bigger than just his local bar gigs. If he can get away from his ex's abuse. </p>
<p>     At nineteen, Adam Lambert moved to Los Angeles to start college. Abandoned at a young age by his family, Adam works at a local club downtown for money. When he's not working, he's busy starting his own career. If he can let go of his past. Adam had secrets that bury within him farther than his grave will. And if he really wanted to, Adam could destroy himself.</p>
<p>      And Tommy had secrets of his own, secrets he doesn't even want to think about. When Adam and Tommy accidentally meet at a bar, Tommy learns of Adam's traumatic state, with the help of an old friend Sutan who works with Adam at the bar. Tommy is determined to befriend the dark, mysterious man, and hopefully help him escape the cloak of depression that hangs over him.</p>
<p>      But they both might've been given more than they bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm working on a little positively fic, instead of my signature dark and horror. I love both Adommy and Saulbert, and while I'm keeping the fic mostly positive, there will still be a few of my signatures inside;) I appreciate the ones who have been with me since the beginning, and enjoy. Xoxo

     He didn't think much about the cage in the corner. His only focus was the girl in front of him. His tongue inside her mouth. Her hand tightly gripping his hair. He didn't feel much lately. Except her tongue.

      That and the slightly pleasent buzz the alcohol was giving. He had came to the club only slightly drunk, his only intention was to get even more wasted. Somehow that resulted in him pressing a pretty nameless girl against a wall and his mouth on hers.

    This probably wouldn't be happening if Tommy was aware of his surroundings. But he wasn't and he was perfectly fine with that. The girl fisted Tommy's hair, jerking his blond fringe back, exposing his throat.

     The music thudded in Tommy's ears. The girl smiled at him with hooded eyes before slipping away, leaving him with a huge hard on. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe the alcohol wearing off. Or maybe Tommy just finally pulled his head out of his ass and realized what was going on.

   Or maybe it was the man sitting in the cage in the corner. 

     Growling in slight frustration, he sauntered his way to the bar in the back. Sutan, one of the clubs best bartenders, immediately spotted Tommy. "Rough night?" He asked with slight amusement as he made Tommy's favorite drink. He nodded, slumping into the barstool. "You look like shit."

      "Thanks." He replied dryly.

    "I'm serious." Sutan pulled out a little mirror and pushed it towards Tommy. He disappeared for a moment, attending to another customer. He's right. Tommy still has last night's eyeliner smeared around his lids, and his eyes are bloodshot. He looks paler than normal, and his blond hair has seen better days. 

    When he came back to Tommy, he pushed Tommy's drink towards him and leaned against the counter. "You're still wearing last night's eyeliner, and I can smell the stale beer from here. What's going on?"

    Tommy shook his head. "Who is that?" He changed the subject, nodding over to the man in the cage. Sutan peered around his shoulder.

    "That's Adam. He's one of the workers here. And stop trying to change the subject. What's going on?"

     "Nothing. I've just been busy."

    "Doing what? Getting wasted? Tommy, don't lie to me. When was the last time you slept for more than 3 minutes?"

     Tommy shrugged. Sleep and him never really went together. He was either running on 2 hours of sleep, or no hours of sleep. Sutan looked at Tommy disaprovingly.

    "Is it because of her?" He asked gently.

    At the very mention of the upcoming subject, Tommy winced. Although he'd never admit it aloud, _yes,_  it was because of her. She had walked into his life with every intention of leaving with it.

    And Tommy was stupid enough to let her. Tommy stared down at his glass, unable to look at his friend. Sutan sighed, walking around the bar, opening the gate that separated the people from entering the back. He closed it and walked around to face Tommy. He brushed the hair from his eyes. 

      "Honey, you're destroying yourself."

    He knew that. He knew that every sip of alcohol he was consuming, every person he interacted with, everything he has been doing for the past two weeks was destroying him. But he didn't want to change it. If he did, he might take it farther than just drinking. 

    "She wasn't good for you." Sutan waved his hand. "Don't let her destroy you. You've got big things coming for you."

     "Like what?" 

  "Aren't you studying law?"

     He snorted. "Unfortunately. It's what my dad wants."

     "Well, what do you want?"

   "I _want_ to drop out of college."

      "Oh no you won't." Sutan wiped down the counter. He leaned back on his elbows. "You are not going to make these dumb decisions over one stupid chick. I won't let you. Not wanting to study law I can understand. But don't you want to study something else?"

     Tommy shrugged, and Sutan clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "Work with me TJ. Think about it, I know you still have some sort of passion locked in that fringe of yours."

    "Music." 

  Sutan brightened up. "Music! That's perfect for you. You love to listen to music, and don't you play the guitar?"

     "Well yeah, but I haven't played since..." He trailed off. 

      "TJ, you know I love you right? And I know this isn't what you want to hear at the moment, but grow the fuck _up_." His voice was gentle compared to the words flying out of his mouth, and the bass that seemed to vibrate in Tommy's bones. "Don't let that bitch take everything away from you."

     Tommy nodded. Sutan left again to service another customer, and when he came back to Tommy,  he handed him another drink. "It's water. You look like you need it."

    "I want to talk to him." Tommy nodded towards the man in the cage. He was on his hands and knees, lips pulled into a smirk with hooded eyes as he watched people dance.

    "You and everyone else in here." Sutan said, not glancing up.

    "Why is he in a cage?"

   "No one really knows. It's not like someone forced him to sit in it. He just likes it. Likes to sit in it. Personally, I think he can do better. His name's Adam. He's in college."

    " _What_?" Tommy thought he misheard Sutan.

    "He needs money." Sutan explained. "He's sweet, I've heard. He doesn't talk. All he does is either sell drinks, or sit in the cage. Once the club closes, he'll change back into normal clothes and leave without a word. No one knows what he does all day when he's not here and not in college. Some say he does nothing. His home life was awful as a child."

  "What happened?" Tommy asked. Sutan shrugged. 

  "No one really knows....he's never spoken about it before." The music transitioned into something a little more heavier than before. People moved against each other a little more harder, and the harsh scent of drink can be smelt on everyone. Tommy looked back at Adam, and jolted when he realized Adam was staring _directly_ at him. 

    Sutan and Tommy watched as Adam slowly unlatched the cage, his eyes still trained on the blonde. "Oh boy." Sutan said under his breath. "Tommy, don't you dare move. Just let him do what he wants."

       Frozen, they watched as Adam moved through the assemblage of bodies, ignoring the people who reached out to touch him. All traces of the alcohol in Tommy's system completely vanished as he stared at the man who stopped in front of him. Even through the dim lighting, Tommy could see the color of his eyes.

    His eyes were so solid, so bright, the exact lustrous color of a polished shard of metal. If a person dared to look closer at his eyes, they could see the swirls of glittering onyx black and tinges of blue at the edges.

      His hair was thick and a rich ink black, falling about his face creating soft shadows under his cheekbones. Before Adam steps from the dusky shade of the club's multicolored lights, it's clear that everyone knows he's from these parts.

   His clothing is like everyone else's, except _Tommy_ , who was lucky to find a clean pair of jeans. His clothing is western, expensive—but his skin is of a different region as are his facial features.

     His skin is the hue of a thick cream, smoothly falling over a bone symmetry money can't buy, and peppered with little freckles that seemed to never end. His black hair is raised above his forehead, in thick spikes that bend together to accommodate his built figure, and at his side is a chain so large, Tommy is surprised it doesn't pull Adam off balance.

      His height is almost threatening to Tommy, for he had a petite frame and a small height. He looked up at the taller man, and tried not to look intimidated. Adam's lips were pulled into a smirk.

     When he blinked and got impossibly closer to him, Tommy noticed the thick liner that rimmed his eyes, making his eyes look even brighter. He leaned down by Tommy's ear. "Hi," he whispered over the bass, his breath tickling the shell of Tommy's cartilage. 

     Tommy swallowed back the bullet in his throat. "Hi." He whispered back. 

      "You seem afraid of me."

    You're a man standing practically in my pocket, with electric blue eyes, and a chain."

     Adam chuckled, deep and throaty in his ear. "I have to go. Will I see you again?"

     If you don't kill me before then."

     He laughed again and Tommy shivered. Adam tilted Tommy's chin up so he could look at him. "I'll see you later." He whispered. Then he turned around and disappeared into the dancing bodies. 

      Tommy relaxed against the bar, sighing in relief. "Holy shit," Sutan commented. Tommy watched as Adam crawled back into his cage, rocking on his knees again. He caught Tommy staring and smirked at him.

     Tommy looked away. 

    "How's that for a wake up call?" Sutan murmured, pushing at Tommy's shoulder.

     "What?" He blinked. "I wasn't listening."

    Clearly." Sutan raised his eyebrows. "He got you worked up?"

     Tommy shook his head, although Sutan knew he was lying. "No, but he did freak me out."

     "You? _King Horror_ got freaked out by a man with a little chain?"

      "Did you see that thing? He could bench press six men with it." He looked at the time on his phone. It was past midnight. "I should start home. It's late."

     "Yeah. The club will be closing soon anyway. And you have classes tomorrow, you should be in bed." Sutan scolded.

     Tommy waved him off with a hand. "I'll be fine."

    "Are you okay to leave? Do you want me to call a taxi for you?" 

     "No, I'm fine with walking. The campus isn't that far anyway. I'll see you later Sutan."

     "Be careful TJ." 

   He slid through multiple bodies, grimacing as multiple drunk women—and men—pawed at Tommy as he walked by. Outside, it was bitterly cold. At least, that's what he surmised from the various couples huddled together, their breath pooling into clouds of mist in front of their faces. 

      He started down the secluded street, still reeling from the tumultuous noise leaking from the bar, mixed with sweat and the unmistakably smell of alcohol coming from his jacket. He was still a tiny bit drunk, weak from hunger, but he kept going. 

      He went limp when he was practically shoved against the brick wall. He glared at the now fuzzy form of his attacker, even going to the childish level of sticking his tongue out. His attacker's hands were suddenly gentle, warm even. He laughed. 

      Tommy opened his eyes. 

    Holy shit biscuits, it's _Adam!_

    "Jesus, is this how you always approach people?" Tommy asked. Adam smiled.

      "Aren't you quite the comedian." He mused. His hand raised and Tommy flinched. He seriously _flinched_.

     And Adam noticed.

   He tilted his head a fraction, staring at Tommy as if he were reading him like a book. His hand gently brushed blonde strands of hair back, and his hands framed the sides of Tommy's head. 

     "Do I intimidate you?" He asked softly.

     Tommy shook his head although he was lying. 

     "Because I don't want to."

    Tommy looked up at him. In the streetlights, he noticed Adam's clothes have changed. Instead, he was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a black shirt. His hair was falling into his eyes, and Tommy fought the urge to brush it away so he could see his eyes.

      _Wait_.

   Tommy was _not_ gay. He just got out of a heavy relationship with a girl. He was not interested in this man, and there's no way he could feel the same way about him. A man this attractive has to have multiple women following him where ever he went. There's no way he could be interested in Tommy. 

    "What's your name?" Adam's voice dropped an octave.

    "Tommy." 

    "I'm Adam."

   "I know who you are. Everyone seems to know you."

     "I guess." He looked away, uncomfortable, and almost annoyed for a minute. It vanished quickly, and Tommy was beginning to think he imagined it. Adam looked back down at Tommy, staring at him again for several minutes. 

     His stare was intense, and it was making Tommy uncomfortable. "Why do you keep flinching?" Adam asked.

    And Tommy was _not_ about to answer that. 

    "Nothing. It's just that it's getting late and I have classes tomorrow and—"

     "You go to Westinghouse Community College?" Adam interrupted. 

     Tommy frowned. "How'd you know that?"

     Adam looked confused. "That's the college _I_ go to." 

    Oh shit. 

   "What?" Tommy asked, now completely stone cold sober. 

    "That's weird." Adam dropped his hands to his sides. "I've never seen you around before." He loved away again, staring down the empty street. He took a few steps away from Tommy. "Then you should go. It's late and those professors are tough."

    "Aren't you coming?" Tommy surprised himself by asking. Adam shook his head.

     "I'll catch up later."

   "Well..I don't want to just leave you here."

   "No really. It's alright. I'll see you later Tommy." Adam wasn't looking at him. 

   After a minute, Tommy nodded. "See you." He slowly turned and started walking again. The hangover was starting to take its toll. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and kept walking. He couldn't stop thinking about Adam. 

      It's been a long time since he's felt a gentle hand. A very long time. Natalie was a little more than just a little violent. Sometimes Tommy would have bruises for weeks. 

     It's not like he could do something. The bitch was crazy. She's lock him in his own room, and then would crawl through the window of their apartment and beat him. When he went to college, he lives om campus. Somehow she followed him and the abuse continued. And Tommy wasn't a violent person; he wasn't going to hit a woman. 

     Natalie didn't seem to care.

   The college was in sight, and he kept a steady pace. He pressed his hand against the side of his face, where Adam's hand had been. Adam was a bit of an intimidating man, although he told Tommy he didn't want to be.

     Whatever that meant. Tommy pulled open the door and walked inside. The administration's light was still on, but most of the lights were off in the building. He debated taking the stairs or riding the elevator, but he didn't see the difference.

     He decided to take the elevator. Pressing the button, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. When the doors open, Tommy looked up.

     His blood ran cold.

   "Hi Tommy," Natalie purred. "I was upstairs but you weren't home..Thought you left me."

    He shoved his hands into his pockets so she couldn’t see him shaking. "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded, trying to keep his voice steady.  

    Natalie batted her eyelashes at him, taking a step towards him. "I was wrong," she whispered. "I shouldn't have ended the relationship. I don't know what I was thinking. I love you."

     Tommy had to swallow his anxiety. This always happened. Natalie would scream at him, end the relationship, crawl right back to him asking for forgiveness. Once she was attached to Tommy again, she'd flip her shit right back into bitch mode. 

    And honestly, Tommy didn't have time for bipolar. 

      "I appreciate your apology, Natalie. But I'm really tired, and I have classes tomorrow so I think I'm going to go to bed."

     "Oh come on, "she wined. "I can't keep you up a little longer?" 

     She took another step forward and Tommy took a step backwards. "Tommy," she wined. "You're going to make me cry."

     Oh yeah, this was another thing. When Natalie didn't get her way with something, she cried. It worked on most people, except Tommy.  When she realized this, she suddenly pounced at him. She grabbed the material of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. 

     Tommy began to panic. Natalie must've been shooting up testosterone into her bloodstream because she was _strong_. 

    "Thomas, you are not going to leave me. I won't let you." She hissed. "You are going to take me back."

     "I don't think that would be a good idea."

     "Listen to me you little shit; you are going to take me back, or I swear I'll kill you."

     "Let him go." Someone ordered. Tommy's head snapped up.

  _Oh God_.

      Not _him._

   Still pinning Tommy against the wall, Natalie turned sharply at the voice. In the dim lighting, Adam looked threatening and violent. He crossed his arms, gaze unwavering as he stared at Natalie, daring her.

    She weighed her options. Tommy was small, but this stranger obviously had some sort of connection to him. A connection that the man dared her to break. She sized both up.

     Tommy was quick, but the stranger was probably quicker. She didn't want to risk it. Besides, it'd be a matter of time before Tommy came back to her. Now _that_ , she'd like to see.

    With a little shove, she let go of him. "I'll be waiting for you upstairs." She smiled at him and looked back at the stranger. 

    Adam's face was emotionless, still challenging the woman. Natalie frowned at his hostility, and vaguely wondered how Tommy ever wandered up with this man. 

    Without Natalie, Tommy basically had no life. He never went out, _so how did these two meet?_ Blinking, Natalie slowly turned and took the stairs. 

      _Bitch_ , Tommy thought wearily.

     In two steps Adam was in front of him, scanning his face. "Are you alright?" He asked. Tommy's face was flaming red from embarrassment. That was the one thing he _didn't_ want Adam to see.

    Now he probably thinks Tommy is a little frail flower who can't defend himself from a woman, and needs someone to do it for him. He nodded slowly and ducked his head so Adam couldn't see his face.

    "Who was that?" Was his next question.

     "Ex girlfriend." Tommy mumbled. 

     "She didn't hurt you, did she?"

   He shook his head. 

     Adam seemed to relax a little. "Look at me." He whispered. Tommy lifted his head. "I don't like it when people don't look at me when they speak. Makes me feel like they're too disgusted to see my face, or they're too afraid. Are you disgusted by me Tommy?" 

     That was certainly not the case.

       "No." 

      "Are you afraid of me?"

       "No." 

     "Then why are you trembling?"

      _Because of the shit storm he's about to indure when he goes upstairs._ Tommy has no doubt that Natalie is hiding somewhere in his room, probably tearing his shit up, and planning to kill him as the finale.

     "I'm just a little shaken up." Great; if Adam didn't think he was a delicate flower before, he sure as hell probably thinks it now.

     Adam's face softened. "Does she do that often?" 

      "What?" 

     "Control you."

    _Control?_ That might've been a little harsh. Natalie didn't _control_ Tommy. She's just very opinionated, and demanding. And restrictive. Tommy didn't know what that classified her as, but it wasn't control.

     "She's just a little demanding." He answered, subconsciously rubbing the back of his neck. 

     There. 

     Adam did it again. 

   That same, almost vulnerable look crossed his gaze before disappearing again forever. Adam took a few steps back. "I should go upstairs; it's really late." He said, although he didn't move. He looked back at Tommy. "Are you going to be okay tonight?"

     Tommy nodded. "She might've gone to her room."

      "Do you live together?"

     Tommy shook his head. "No. But she does know where my room is. I appreciate you stepping in. I could've handled it."

     " I know."

     Tommy pushed himself away from the wall. "I'll see you later Adam."

      "Goodnight Tommy." 

     He settled for the stairs, but he couldn't stop himself from looking back. Adam was crouched down, arms resting on his knees and his head braced in between his hands. 

     When he reached his dorm room, Tommy unlocked it and walked inside. He felt for the light switch and prepared for the absolute worst. 

      Surprisingly, everything looked fine. Nothing was out of place. Tommy lived alone, so he didn't have to worry about a messy roommate, or him walking in on some heavy sex. 

     Once during his freshman year, that happened to him and ever since he's been living alone. He locked the door and collapsed onto the bottom bunk which he claimed was his bed, kicking off his shoes.

     He never slept on the top bunk and he doesn't know why. He stared up at the ceiling, still thinking about Natalie's face when she saw Adam.

      She was actually surprised, and Natalie never gets surprised. It was obvious she immediately found Adam attractive, but Adam's focus was completely on Tommy.

     Tommy could tell Natalie was wondering how Tommy ended up connected with  Adam, and honestly even Tommy didn't know. 

     Ever since they made eye contact, one man in a cage and the other in the middle of a crisis. Tommy knew he'd be connected with Adam since the beginning. Did Adam know? There was no way of telling. Adam always looked emotionless, always causious to show his reaction to certain things. 

     Tommy rolled over, flicking off the lights and snuggling under the covers. He glanced at the clock. It was almost two thirty. He had to get up at five thirty. Classes started at 7, and he needed at least 30 minutes to open his eyes.

    He closed his eyes. He was too awake to sleep, and it didn't help that he was on his feet at every sound, thinking Natalie had broken in and this would be his last day on Earth. 

      Realizing sleep wasn't an option, Tommy sat up and stared at the clock. In the morning, he was going to need a shitload of coffee if he were to stay awake for even twenty minutes. 

     Damn it. Why did everything have to be so difficult? He's got a batshit crazy ex girlfriend, and a man who makes Tommy confused. 

     Yep..this was his life. Did he ask for it? No. They just handed him the script and told him to read.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit so apparently I fucked up, and accidentally posted the wrong chapter lmfao kms. So those of you who read (it was marked chapter 5) I apologize, because I practically gave the storyline away. Luckily I was able to delete it before people started commenting on it, so I'm hoping not too many of ya'll read it. If that's the case, oh fucking well:) I haven't decided if I'm going to keep it or not, but I guess we'll see.

     "It doesn't matter if you're a prosecutor, or a judge; it is important to stay level headed at all times."

     Tommy had to pull at the roots of his hair so he'd stay awake. It was only eleven thirty and already he can't wait to sleep. It doesn't help that he's on edge because Natalie has made him fucking paranoid and he has to keep glancing over his shoulder to make sure she hasn't followed him or has a sniper waiting for a clear shot at every corner.

     He already looks sadistic, with his bloodshot eyes and tousled hair. Adding paranoia just might be enough for him to lose what sanity he had left. But the students around him were eating the lecture up like it was a meal.

     Tommy on the other hand, rather jump through the window. He glanced over at the male sitting next to him. What was his name?

    Aaron? Charles?

      "Yes Edward?" Professor Vaux answered when the male Tommy was studying raised his hand.

      Ah, _Edward_ is his name. Well, Edward was scribbling notes on his notebook, and glanced up every few seconds to copy the next set of words Vaux spewed.

     "You getting this down, Edward?" Tommy whispered, teasing him.

    "Every word, Tommy Joe. Every _word_." 

      He rolled his eyes. The people like Edward, the ones who _liked_ waking up at the asscrack of dawn and going to class with a bunch of idiots and professors who could care less whether you passed or not. They were the ones with devotion. Dedication.

     Most likely the same ones who'd actually go on to be prosecutors and judges. The one that were forced to be here by persistent fathers, like _Tommy_ , are the ones waiting for lunch.   

     He glanced up at the clock. Eleven fifty-three. Seven minutes left. "For your assignment tonight, you will be writing a four page, MLA format, double spaced and Times New Roman, 12 font paper that explains why judges have one of the hardest jobs."

    Most of the class groaned while others began immediately writing down the information. Tommy had no doubt that by the end of lunch, Edward would be finished with his paper already.

    And Tommy would be lucky to have written his name. When the bell finally rang and the student body began to split for lunch, Tommy grabbed his bag. Since last night, he's been subconsciously looking for Adam.

   He never asked what Adam was studying for, and he mentally kicked himself for it. He started walking across campus to find his hall. Surprisingly, Tommy's dorm hall was the Honors Hall, which he finds hilarious. He wasn't stupid; he was just uninterested. Everything he's being taught he already learned. 

    He was halfway across the turf of grass when someone caught his eye. Adam was sitting in the grass by a tree, writing. Tommy's heart leaped in his throat.

     This is the first time he's seen Adam since their encounter at the bar. That was almost two weeks ago. The sight of him almost made him want to run in the opposite direction while the other part of him wants to stay and talk to him. 

      _But what would he say?_

_"Do you like jazz?"_

No. That would just be idiotic. But he had to say something! The man practically saved his life. Finally giving in to his mind, he sauntered across the grass and sat next to Adam

       "Hey."

     Adam looked up sharply, and quickly swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. "Hey Tommy."

    "What's wrong?"

     "Nothing."

     Tommy dropped it. No sense in pushing Adam. "What are you studying?" He remembered to ask.

     "Psychology." Adam answered, putting his notebook into his bag. "I like helping people." Tommy nodded. Adam was acting... _distant_ from him today. 

    _Why?_

   "Thomas!" He could hear Natalie's pissed off voice from a mile away.

    "Oh shit, " he whispered when they locked eyes. Natalie's eyes narrowed and she began to stalk over to them. Tommy looked over at him. "Adam, I'm just going to apologize in advanced. She can be a little--"

     "It's alright." Adam said softly. "I can handle her."

     "Tommy!" She called again.

    He didn't move, but Adam stood up when she approached them. Natalie crossed her arms, keeping a safe distance away from Adam, but close enough to possibly reach Tommy.

    "What the hell are you doing? You were supposed to wait for me." She scolded. 

     "I'm not supposed to do anything for you." Tommy answered quietly. "Not anymore. "

     "You're my boyfriend; it's your job."

     "I'm your _ex_ boyfriend."

     "Don't be stupid, Tommy. We never broke up." She flipped her long brown hair and rolled her eyes in irritation. 

     "Actually, we did. You made it official. I'm not going to argue with you."

     "What did you say?" She barked.

         Oh fuck. His anxiety starting spiking. 

    "I think you heard me." His heart began to pound. 

       "I heard _exactly_ what you said; my point is I'm daring you to say it again." She took a step towards him just as Adam moved in front of Tommy. 

    "Back off." Adam's voice was laced with barbs. 

        This was not good. So not good. Sure, Natalie could put up a fight,  but Adam could easily overpower her with one hand.  But Tommy didn't even want Natalie _near_ Adam. She was fucking psycho. 

    "You don't scare me." She glared at Adam. Tommy's eyes widened.  

   "I think you're lying. If I don't scare you, you wouldn't be shaking." Adam's tone was strangely calm. He crossed his arms. "Since I don't intimidate you, go ahead and touch him."

      She didn't move. "You're in my way."

    Adam shifted over, standing next to Tommy instead of in front of him. He raised an eyebrow, nodding at Natalie. Still, she didn't move. "Let's go Tommy." She said, not breaking eye contact with Adam. Tommy stood up next to Adam, crossing his arms as well. 

     "I think you should leave." Tommy answered. "There's nothing for you here."

     Natalie took a step forward. 

     "Don't do it unless you're ready to face the aftermath." Adam warned in that same, calm tone. 

     Anger flashed in her eyes and she took one step back. "You wouldn't hit a girl."

       "I don't need to. I can get my point across without even raising my voice."

     Tommy grabbed his bag and Adam's before things got ugly.  "Let's go, Adam." 

      After a 5 minute stare-down between Adam and Natalie, Adam finally began walking after Tommy. Adam made sure Natalie couldn't reach Tommy without having to reach across him first as they walked by.

    "He won't be there forever Thomas!" She called after them. 

      As they kept walking, multiple people stopped and stared at Adam. Both men and women, and it strangely made Tommy uncomfortable.

     “That one’s mine.” One man whispered as they passed. He looked old enough to be Tommy's father. 

    “Who?" The man next to him asked, who looked even _older_. 

    He nodded at Adam. 

     “Holy sh—”

    “He’s killing those jeans. Who is he?”

   “Forget the name, who does he  _belong_ to?"

      Adam didn't seem to notice the conversation, and if he did, he didn't care. He was more focused on protecting the man beside him. Why _did_ Adam want to protect him? The question was killing Tommy. 

     They barely knew each other. And Tommy knows he’s not exactly outgoing, but he could at least attempt to get to know Adam, right? And it was clear Adam had no intentions of leaving Tommy alone and vulnerable to Natalie's attacks.

     Natalie feared Adam. Everyone did. Except Tommy, which must explain everyone's staring. What a strange pair they must look like. A tall man with a dominant appearance and a small blond-haired shrimp who can barely order something on his own without his mother. 

      But it was clear that Adam didn't want to be feared. He was a social butterfly at heart, but his threatening height and blue eyes clearly stated otherwise, which immediately turned people off. 

    Adam gently grabbed Tommy's wrist and wove him through a crowd of students watching a soccer game on the television through a store's window. When they were a safe distance away, Adam let go of his wrist and Tommy fell in step with him.

     "Adam?" Tommy asked.  

     It took a minute before he looked down at Tommy. "Do you want to go to this coffee shop with me? It just opened a few weeks ago and I've been meaning to go."

    Adam's eyes softened a bit, then looked confused. "Are you sure you want to go with _me_?"

     Tommy's brow furrowed. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

    Adam opened his mouth to answer. Hesitated and closed it. "Nevermind. Let's go."

    The coffee shop is called Daddy's Home, and Tommy isn't exactly sure why they chose that name. A wide variety of shops lined the nearby streets: antique and art stalls, jewelry and accessory shops, restaurants and cafés.

    Students flocked to them like fireflies to a lamp. There were chimes of bells that tinkled incessantly as the people sauntered in and out of the stores, entranced by the multi-colored merchandise.

     In this part of California, art was extremely important. It didn't matter what culture you were from; they worshipped all of them. The students loved purchasing bags of picturesque paintings, fragile but colourful figurines created from Murano glass.

   Tommy opened the door for Adam, and he didn't miss the small, shy smile Adam gave him before stepping inside. Inside, the café was an 80s' theme, with black and white tiled floors and red booths. They fought for five minutes on who should pay. Adam wanted to pay for both, but Tommy also wanted to pay.

     The elderly woman behind the counter proposed the idea that they buy each other, and with much protesting, they both finally agreed. 

      Adam ordered tea and Tommy ordered coffee as black as his jeans. The elderly woman smiled at both boys and made sure they had a specific table in the back. 

      Adam blushed past his hairline, and Tommy ducked his head when they understood her misinterpreting of their relationship. "You two have a blessed day." The woman smiled as she walked away.

          "Why'd you want to come here?" Adam asked. "With me..."

       Tommy looked down at his mug. "Well...first of all, I _owe_ you."

            Adam frowned. "For what?"

         Tommy shrugged. "You somehow keep saving my life. You're always there when Natalie is up to her antics." He paused. "I've been meaning to ask you...why did you...defend me?"

        Adam chose his words carefully. "I don't like it when one partner controls the other in relationships. It bothers me. And, I remembered you at the bar." He shrugged, looking away. "You seemed like a good person."

          Tommy nodded. "Well besides me owing you, the main reason is because I want to know you."

             Adam turned back to look at him, obviously caught off guard.

     Tommy continued. "I feel like you're.... _misunderstood_ by people." Well kudos to Tommy; he used a big word and it's only twelve thirty. So he's not completely hopeless for his paper. Pushing his small self-celebration aside, he continued. "I don't know...it's something about you that speaks to me."

              They both fell silent.

    "What's that on your arm?" Adam suddenly asked. Tommy looked down slowly. If it's an insect, this coffee shop is about to see a grown man scream. Adam leaned across the table and lifted Tommy's arm. "This," he said quietly, pointing to his antecubital.

   "Oh!" Tommy relaxed. "It's a tattoo. I got it when I was sixteen. It's a symbol for music" Adam nodded slowly, running the pad of his thumb over the tattoo. He let go of his arm.

    What's your last name?" Tommy blurted, touching the tattoo where Adam's hand had been moments ago.

    Adam's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Lambert," he answered. "Why?"

     Tommy blushed again. "I'm sorry, I'm awkward. I told you I wanted to get to know you. So I'm going to annoy you with a bunch of questions."

    Adam smiled. "Okay. Ask away."

    "What hall are you in at the college?"

         "I'm in the Honors Hall. B, but I'm thinking about transitioning."

        "Why?"

        Adam shrugged. "The men in my hall are a little...wild. And my roommate is a total dick."

     Tommy nodded, thinking about his freshman year.

            "I live in Hall A, if you were looking for a roommate." He offered without a second thought. 

        Pain suddenly flickers across Adam's eyes and he looked away. 

           "I can't ask you to do that."

        "You don't need to ask. I _want_ to do it."

          Adam shook his head. "Seriously Tommy, don't feel like you have to do every little thing for me, over one thing I did for you."

      "It's not even about that anymore. I want to understand you; get to know you. I literally met you two weeks ago and I can already tell you're someone I don't want to forget. I don't want to misunderstand you like everyone else." Tommy explained. 

     Adam looked up at him, stunned.

 _Where the hell did that come from?_  

     Adam obviously has some self-esteem issues, which might be the aftermath from his childhood. Tommy knows the mention of Adam's childhood is a touchy subject, so he reminded himself to never bring it up.

     He looked at the time from his phone. It was 1:21. Classes started again at 1:30, and they were late. "Shit," he mumbled. "Adam, we have to go. We're late."

   Adam stood up. "How much time do we have?"

       "Nine minutes."

    They smiled as they passed the elderly worker, and she flashed them a wink. The walk wasn't far, but they didn't have time to stroll.

      Adam had long legs, therefore his paces were bigger. Tommy had short legs, so occasionally he'd have to do some sort of skipping to catch up with Adam. He must look like some child,. 

      Adam was watching him out of the corner of his eye, and he bit back an amused smile. Adam had Biology, which he hated. Anything science related immediately bore him to tears. 

    They made it just as the final bell rang. Adam was suddenly in Tommy's face, causing Tommy to jump back. "I wanted to say....thank you for inviting me. You didn't have to do that." His tone was low, almost shy.

    "I told you; it's my mission to understand you. I like you; I think you're pretty cool." Tommy replied honestly. A wave of shock vibrated into Adam's eyes for a split second. Tommy held his breath, watching as Adam studied his eyes, his lips, lingering a little too long on each feature. 

     He finally took a step back, looking away. "You better go. We're already late; I don't want you to get in trouble." Tommy shook his head.

    "It's not like I'm going to. But I'll see you later?"

    Adam paused. "See you later, Tommy." Adam said, offering him a small smile as he started towards the opposite direction. Tommy watched him go, watching the way his legs moved. He really was killing those jeans. They looked fantastic on him.

      Tommy shook the thought out of his head. What kind of man thinks that about another man? Tommy was not gay. And he was certain Adam wasn't either. Although...it was strange when they had that moment of tension at the café. It was almost heated.

       Now he was just being ridiculous. 

    Tommy was a open-minded person. But he was straight. Straight as a ruler. 100%. No doubt. He likes women. Yep...straight he is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I apologize if a few of these scenes are really dark and almost disturbing ; I'm working towards the moral point of the fic, so there's going to have to be a few problems to lead up to it. Also, my aunt passed away last Monday, so I haven't been in the best of moods, but I'll try not to make everything completely morbid, like normal.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't like Tommy getting hurt, good luck with this one.

       "I told you he wouldn't be there forever." Natalie snarled, fisting the material of his Metallica shirt in her hand. Tommy struggled against her grip, silently pleading for her to let go or for Adam to somehow magically appear by his side.

    But Adam would not be coming to Tommy's rescue this time. Natalie made sure of that. She had ambushed him while he was walking to his dorm in the middle of the night. In fact, no one will be coming to his aid. 

      Females aren't even _allowed_ in this section of the campus, not that Natalie cared. "You thought you could get away from me forever." Tommy was straining to hear her.

     Her voice sounded like he was underwater, and everything was muffled. Tommy had just gotten back from drinking himself dry at another bar. It's been the only thing that motives him to get up every morning. That and Adam. 

      Right now he couldn't put up a proper fight. Hell, he could barely _see_ straight, let alone fight. He relaxed his muscles as best as he could while Natalie unleashed her rage onto him. She struck him once, and the pain exploded in his cheek, cutting through the numbness in his state. 

       She struck him again, harder than the last time. Angered by his lack of reaction, she fisted his hair and started slamming the back of his skull against the wall. _Too bad it didn't kill him,_ he thought dryly.

     At this point, she was slamming his head against the wall so many times that Tommy had become disorientated before he even sustained the concussion that had him drifting in and out of consciousness.

      He was fleetingly aware of the bloody taste in his mouth but he couldn't figure out what it was. At times his eyelids fluttered and he thought he must be at home in bed because it was so dark. Then why the yelling and the screaming?

     Why the pain? 

    "Answer me!" She screamed. Her hand hit and Tommy fell with the force of it. The first slap, a year ago, had been the worst.

    He hadn't expected her to be so strong but there was weight and strength enough to stun. And though her hand was empty, it was like being hit with a block of metal nonetheless and afterward he would endure her words of hatred, all spilling from a woman that professed so much love in her quiet moments of regret.

       Tommy met Natalie when he was sixteen and went on a business trip with his dad to Chicago. She was a pretty girl, tall with long butter-colored hair and sparkling hazel eyes. She had noticed Tommy before he had noticed her. The first two years were heaven; she was loving and caring.

     But at age six, she was already a disturbed child. Natalie was a sweet and gentle child. Her hair was dark back then, chestnut, and she would braid it for hours in front of the mirror; she played with her dolls and was kind to her siblings. She was a fighter, never staying down if she fell or got knocked.

    She would go out of her way to be nice to other kids at school, but mostly stuck to just two friends. She was a skinny kid but mostly healthy. She loved animals, as most little girls do. She was a teacher pleaser, always doing her best in classes and clever too, learning quickly.

      But her childhood was rough from the start. Some kids have it worse, but her home was turmoil and violence; not constantly, but enough to make her less stable than she should have been. This resulted in Natalie’s constantly shifting attitude and her violent behavior.

     Tommy sometimes wishes he could have saved her from the years ahead of her, but he was only a child himself back then. When the love between them died, the love of power arose in Natalie. No longer did she hang on his words or surrender herself to his caress.

     No longer did she cherish his company or speak his name with softness. Tommy’s new life surrounded at a college night and day only left room for a rage Natalie could not suppress and there was no other target but Tommy.

     His attention had become divided in half, and he wasn’t around as much. At first there was guilt, an attempt to stop, but soon she gave way, realizing how much she enjoyed beating her fists into his skin. She felt in control.

      When the abuse became regular, Tommy had gotten deathly skinny. With every decreasing pound Natalie loathed him more. The love had turned to hate and there is no hatred stronger than that formed in such a way, for the bitterness makes it more potent. When her fury rose she lashed out at him, watching him crumple with grim satisfaction, enjoying the sting on her knuckles.

   He wished the walls would stop dancing and for the ceiling to quit bending and twisting. She grabbed him by the back of his neck. "You thought that if that  _thing_ stuck by your side, you'd be invincible, didn't you? He won't be here forever. Whether it be me getting rid of him, or perhaps using him as bait against you.

     "I'm everywhere, Thomas." She hissed. "And if you don't stay away from him, then I'll find a way to keep you two apart. You are mine, Thomas. Not his. He will never love you. He's just using you. He's a creep. And I'm not letting my boyfriend hang around something like that." She released the grip on his hair and smirked at he stumbled to find his footing. Everything was moving way too fast. 

      He felt warmth on the back of his neck, but it was too much of an effort to find out what it was. He gave in to the floor, giving up on all pretense of fighting, allowing Natalie to do whatever she pleased. He was someone else's problem now.

     From the outside it was a perfect relationship, yet Tommy hid purple ribs and purple "flowers" that blossomed over his body. On skin as pale as his it was so easy to spot, and often he had a hard time answering when questioned about it.

      She kicked him in his ribs once and Tommy winced slightly. Other than that, he didn't react. She finally grew bored with him, and left him there in his agony. He studied the multi-colored tiled floors and pressed his throbbing cheek against it. 

     There would be no doctor, no evidence, and now Natalie would be Tommy’s groveling lover until she lost her temper all over again. But for now, he’s left in his agony with bruises everywhere. A battered face and bloody tears. But that's what Tommy gets for staying silent.

     Like many times before, Tommy brings himself to stand, supporting his weight on the wall. He touches the back of his head and his hand comes away bloody. Oh fucking well. He considered going to the hospital, but decided to drink himself to sleep again. Besides, he's found that alcohol works quicker than pain medicine. 

      But would he be able to stand that many people at once? Tommy was not in the mood for slurry bullshit. Whether it be his or someone else's, Tommy did not have time. The pressure was building in his head and ribs, so he was back onto the floor once again. 

       In his haze, footsteps approach him from behind. Soft hands were touching his arms, the back of his head right where it hurt like hell. Someone was speaking, speaking to him but Tommy is not listening. The hands are gently poking him, prodding and soothing. 

     Of course _now_ they decide to show up. He just _couldn't_ have the luxury of the person showing up a minute before while Natalie was beating the shit out of him. It was too much to ask. Things were just going _too_ well for him, and adding that would just be unfair. Tommy wants to lift his head so he can look at the person, but he is unable to. He's rolled onto his back and he sees the room from a new angle.

    Arms slide under his knees and his back, and suddenly he's not on the ground anymore. He opens one eye, half lidded and confused as he stares up at the person. 

       It's dark and he cannot see, but he's suddenly very tired. The person carrying him is shaking him a little, saying something that he cannot understand. Something along the lines of "Don't fall asleep."

     Well fuck you mystery person.  If Tommy wants to sleep, then goddamn it he will. Funny how any other day, he rather shove a q-tip up his urethra than go to sleep, but now he's willing to sleep for five years. Maybe even more.

      Ugh, just _stop_ shaking him! He's already hungover and his head is already throbbing. Tommy makes the effort to struggle again, hoping the person will let him go. The person says something again and this time Tommy does hear what they say.

        “Tommy, look at me.”

     Or what _he_ says.

      Tommy's face floods with relief at the sight of a very well-dressed Adam inches from his face. Tommy could cry. His knight in shining eyeliner. Of course this also had to be the night where Tommy decided to wash his face and also apply fresh eyeliner, which already smeared below his eyes earlier. Not that he cared.

        When Tommy’s eyes fall closed again, Adam speaks again. “I’m sorry.”

        Tommy’s eyes flip open. Everything snaps clear. His vision is no longer blurry, his hearing is fine. He stares up at Adam, who is not looking at him. “ _What_?”

      Adam's eyes scan worriedly over Tommy's face. His hand grazes the back of Tommy's head and Tommy makes a face, pulling away. Adam's fingertips are bloody. "You're bleeding." He changes the subject. 

     Tommy glances down, wondering how Adam can carry him and stand in one spot at the same time. Only then does he realize Adam is sitting down on a bench with Tommy in his lap. Tommy briefly wondered if Adam heard Natalie.

       Adam had heard Tommy's agony way before he knew what provoked it. Business at the bar was rather slow today, so Adam was sent home early.

         Although, Adam did appear rather... _off_ today. He wouldn't meet Tommy's gaze.

         "Are you okay?" The slight hitch in Adam's voice confirmed Tommy's thoughts. Adam had heard. Not that he should care; considering he wasn't gay. But the rest was low...even for Natalie.

              "Your scalp is bleeding; it's going to need stitches and obviously I can't do it here. I'll have to take you to my dorm." He suddenly paused, glancing down to look at Tommy rather nervously. "Is that okay?"

         Yep. He definitely heard. But Tommy didn't understand why it _bothered_ Adam so much. So what; Natalie thought he was gay. Multiple people think Tommy is gay, with the eyeliner, but that's just stupid. It just shows how small minded people can be, so Tommy doesn't really give a shit. But maybe Adam is a person who takes everything to heart.

           And at this point, Tommy didn't care where Adam took him.

       He numbly nodded once and Adam stood up, still cradling Tommy to his chest. Tommy winced when the pressure built on his ribs. The walk was short, but Tommy didn't notice. He kind of felt like he was on some really bad acid—everything was dancing and spinning. "Why did you apologize to me?" He asked.   

         Adam didn't answer. Like the sly fox he was, he again changed the subject. "She didn't hurt you anywhere else did she?"

             _You mean besides his ribs and his face?_

         Tommy shook his head, looking away. Adam frowned at him for a minute. This is one of those times when Tommy’s mind backs away. His emotions turn cold, fearful, and anxious and he backs away, flees or strikes out at someone who has the slightest emotion of care and affection towards him.

      Instead of being the man his father has raised, strong and confident, Tommy shows the frightened child within, damaged and afraid. Natalie has left him living in constant fear, and Tommy isn’t sure if his body will ever stop living in a state of flight or fight.

     Adam's dorm wasn't far. Although he did have to put Tommy down so he could unlock the door. "Lean against the wall." Adam said. Tommy staggered around, unable to stand in one place for long. Adam caught him by the hand before Tommy crashed onto the floor. "Easy," he said gently. "Come inside."

     Guiding him by the hand, Adam led him inside the room, flipping on the light switch. Tommy flinched at the brightness, immediately shutting his eyes and stumbling. "I'm sorry." Adam apologized, turning off the light. He instead switched to a softer, dimmer light.

     "He's not here." Adam said, referring to his roommate. "He's...out with someone. He won't be back until Thursday. You can sit on his bed; I doubt you feel like climbing all the way to the top one."

     Tommy sat down, resting his elbows on his thighs and holding his head in his hands. Everything was still moving too quickly. 

      Adam sat down in his desk chair, facing Tommy. He held Tommy's chin with two fingers and gently ran a makeup wipe over Tommy's face, wiping away the remaining eyeliner.

     His touch was gentle, like Tommy was made of glass. What a startling contrast to the hell Tommy just faced moments ago. 

      He watched Adam. His eyelashes framed his cheekbones, and his hair was falling into his eyes. This was a new side of him that Tommy had seen only once. 

      This Adam was soft spoken and warmer. He was acting like himself here, more so  than he was at the café. _How could this man ever be alone?_ He was beautiful. Even _Tommy_ wasn't going to deny it. The way his bangs hung into his eyes as he looked away. 

      He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. He must get used to that, the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile. Of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead give-away.

        "Bend your head down so I can inspect the damage," Adam murmured. He moved strands of hair out of the way so he could see.

       "Oh shit."

      Tommy's head snapped up. "What is it?"

     "Nothing. It's just bad."

     "How bad?"

     "To the point where I'm wondering how you're still conscious."

  _Is it really that bad?_

     "I don't know if I can treat it Tommy. You might have to go to the ER."

      No.

    That would definitely _not_ be happening. "You know, I think it can heal on its own." Tommy said, trying to sit up. 

      Adam blinked at him. "Tommy, your head is cut open. Not exactly a small scrape from falling off a bike." Tommy shook his head. 

       "I'm fine. Seriously." 

      Adam looked at him, his gaze softening. "Is it because...." 

      Great. Now he was assuming, _another_ thing Tommy didn't want him to do. "No. It's just...." 

   Oh for fuck's sake.  

     Tommy had to tell him. Regardless, Adam was going to find out either way. The man knows everything; like he's a CSI agent. Tommy slowly tugged at his left sleeve, hiking it upwards.

     A narrow pillow of milky white bandaged wrapped around his forearm. Adam immediately reached out to touch it, the pad of his thumb smoothing over the bandage. 

     Tommy fought the nervous swirls that braided in his weak stomach when Adam carefully unwrapped it.The scar had been wider months ago, now it was more thinner and red. He would find his hand going there automatically when Natalie lunged at him, as an attempt to shield it from her.

      He would run his finger over it's ridges and around it's jagged edges. It was all he had left of them.

      "Most people think it's self-inflicted." Tommy said quietly. "It's actually.. _her_. She did it. And eventually it just gets old trying to explain it come up with some lie. It keeps trying to heal but she always reopens it."

     His was trapped in Adam's hands. Adam examined it, circling it with his thumbs. "What did she use?" He asked softly. 

     "A knife. Held me down and carved it in."

    He didn't know why he was telling Adam all of this. It's disturbing as fuck, yet he can't find a way to stop himself. Adam seemed to genuinely care about him. 

      _Why?_

  Tommy's head was still spinning. He knew he had a concussion; that was obvious. Adam knew. Usually confusion was apart of a concussion, but were hallucinations? He thought he was hallucinating when Adam re-wrapped the cut and pressed a soft kiss against the bandage. 

      Tommy blinked. Adam looked up at him, carefully gauging his reaction. When Tommy met his gaze, he felt drawn into his eyes. Adam's pupils dialated in shyness.

     Tommy was _fucked_.

     He cared far too much about the man sitting in front of him. But if he blushed, then Adam would know. But right now, hungover with a flaming concussion, Tommy was a coloring book; even _children_ could read him.

     Part of him was very thankful for Adam stepping into his life, but the other part of him kept trying to pull his mind back. Cower away, put up his guard. Yet he remained trapped in Adam's intense stare.

     His bangs were falling into his eyes again, and this time Tommy brushed his hand against Adam's forehead, pushing the strands back. Adam's eyes fluttered shut for a minute, his mouth slightly parting in surprise. 

      How long has it been since he's had a gentle hand touch him?

      Adam's eyes opened again. Tommy had already brushed the hair away, yet he continued to brush his hand against Adam's forehead. Adam was leaning into his touch, exhaustion pulling his eyes half-shut, and Tommy's fingers found their way into Adam's hair.

      Adam looks so tired; even through Tommy's hangover, he can see it. Tommy wants to know every detail about him. It's obvious Adam is struggling with something, but Tommy didn't want to pry.

    It's the same vice-versa. Tommy didn't want Adam prying into his situation, mostly because of how _fucked_ up it is. A weak little flower can't defend himself from a woman.

            It's pathetic.

         Adam's eyes open again and Tommy is instantly back into his stare. He can't hold his gaze for long. It's too intense; it makes Tommy want to know what he's thinking. He had to say something. He was starting to think unwanted thoughts, and he really needed medication for his head.

       _~~Thank you for stepping into my life.~~ _ "Thank you for stepping in, again." Tommy looked down as he spoke, but Adam's hand was tilting his head back up to look at him.

         "I'm not going to hurt you, Thomas."

         Tommy swallowed thickly at the sound of his name. No one ever said his name like that. "I know..." He whispered, closing his eyes.

      Adam paused.  "Do you want to leave?"

       "God, _no_." The words rushed out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I can't. Not with her..."  Adam nodded in understanding.

     Tommy was afraid to go back. Natalie would be waiting for him.

       Adam finally looked away. "If you're tired, you can sleep. I'll be up for most of the night; so it doesn't matter which bed you choose. Although, you can't sleep right now because of the concussion. I don't want you to be fall into a coma."

           "What about you?" Tommy asked.

        Adam glanced over at his desk. "I'll just be writing. I don't sleep much..." He trailed off. Tommy nodded, deciding not to push him. When Adam was ready, Tommy would ask.

        "I really want you to get your head checked out. I don't want you to suffer."

         "I can't--I don't want them to shave my head."

       Okay, so maybe that was the _other_ reason why Tommy didn't want to go to the ER. His hair was the only thing Natalie hasn't destroyed, although that'll happen at some point.

     Adam blinked at him for a minute before chuckling to himself. "They won't shave your head; they're just going to stitch the wound."

        "I want you to do it if it needs done." Tommy begged. "I can't go in the condition I am. They'll ask how it happened, and I just can't get into it. It's so exhausting and painful to relive."

         Something vulnerable passes in Adam's expression and he looked away. "It isn't that deep, but it's too wide to heal on its own. I don't have any anesthetic to help with the pain. Are you sure you can handle it?" He asked.

          Tommy nodded.

              ~~Hell no he couldn't.~~

         "Yes I can."

       Adam still looked unsure. "If it's too painful, I'll have to take you to the ER so they can do it properly."

     "I trust you."

       Again, that weird expression passed through Adam’s face. "Okay. You'll have to sit on the bathroom sink so I can see."

       ****

   

     Oh fuck, it hurt. Tommy fainted twice. Nothing serious; just him slumping over for three minutes before moving again. The entire area was sore, even when Adam was just examining it without touching it. When he finally finished, Adam gave Tommy some ibuprofen for the pain. 

      "It should heal in a couple of weeks." Adam said as they walked out of the bathroom. 

     "Is it noticeable?" Tommy asked. 

      "Only if you part your hair a certain way. But it's mostly covered. No one will notice it."

      "Thank you, Adam. Am I allowed to sleep?" 

      "Yes, it's been a while since you've hit your head. If something is wrong, you'll tell me?" 

     Tommy nodded. "You won't leave me..will you?"

      "No. I won't."

     Tommy relaxed. 

    "Are you sure I can sleep here?" He nodded towards Adam's bed. 

     Adam smiled. "Yes Tommy, you can sleep. Class is canceled tomorrow, my roommate isn't coming back until Thursday. You can sleep. I'll be at my desk if you need me."

     Too tired to argue, Tommy finally nodded and climbed into the top bunk---Adam's bed. His sheets and pillows smelled like Adam, pine and trees. It was a pleasant smell, Tommy found. Adam turned off the brighter light, turning on a dimmer light by his desk. 

      Tommy briefly wondered if Natalie knew where he was at. She could be in his apartment right now. Hiding, waiting for him. He shivered, pulling Adam's sheets closer to his body. "It's alright, Tommy." Adam said gently, his back towards him. "She can't hurt you here."

     He must've heard Tommy's little pitiful noise. Closing his eyes, it was the sound of a pencil scratching against paper combined with the security Adam provided that finally lulled Tommy to sleep. 

     

    

 

 


	4. Four

     Adam is sitting on the bench in the warm breeze of a February morning, yet he's shaking. If he'd stayed up all night it would have made no difference to his exhaustion.

      By the morning the bed sheets were in a knot and aside from a few fit-full half hours of vivid dreams. His brain is constantly searching for any sign that something might be wrong. 

      His stomach shifts uneasily and Adam notices that the hands that he is hugging himself with are pinching into his skin. He releases his hands but then he can't figure out what to do with them, so instead they clasp and unclasp each other as if in constant need of touch and reassurance.

     But what they need is to be able to touch Tommy. To protect him.

      Tommy.

      He was still asleep when Adam left the room. He had been watching him sleep, which was a little more than creepy. He looked somewhat peaceful, still obviously in pain, but he seemed to visibly calm down. He only screamed four times in the night, twice for Adam, and the other two for someone Adam doesn't know. 

     Once Tommy had fallen asleep for more than six minutes, Adam left. He wasn't one to sleep. But Tommy was a good person. Their relationship was a little more than difficult. Tommy had an abusive ex, Adam was....well, Adam. Difficult as they come. 

     There's obviously some sort of barrier between them. Adam was always pulling back, mentally, to create some distance between them. Tommy just seems to do the opposite. He truely looks like he wants to befriend Adam. 

    He doesn't seem to be afraid around him, and he doesn't seem embarrassed to be seen with Adam. He wants to understand Adam, which Adam still doesn't know how to take that. People always make assumptions for everyone. In this world, everyone is everyone else. 

     But Tommy is one of the people who stand out. Like Adam, but for different reasons. Adam stood out because of his physical appearance, Tommy stood out for his personality. When Tommy opens the door, the sight of him makes Adam's breathing rapid and shallow.

     His pulse is pounding in his temples. It's a relief to be sitting down because if he were standing, breathing hard and his legs shaking, he'd trip. Tommy spots him immediately, noticing his darting eyes and stiff posture.

     "You okay?" He asked once he reaches Adam.

      Adam nods mutely, looking away. 

          "What is it?" 

       Adam doesn't answer. And Tommy sighs. 

      "Adam." He said quietly. "Please don't push me away."

      Adam closed his eyes. "Please Tommy, just drop it."

      Tommy looked away for a minute, shoving his hands into his pockets. Then he shook his head. "I can't."

     Adam looked up at him. "I'm sorry, I just can't let it go. I'm a good listener, and I won't judge you. Tell me what's wrong."

      Adam wished he could believe him. He wished everyone gone and just be him and Tommy. He wished for Tommy.

   But Adam wasn't brave enough. 

    People were starting to stare at the two and all this attention was starting to make Adam uncomfortable. "Why are you pushing me away?" 

      "Why do you care?" Adam asked.

    "You're still for once. Not fidgeting around, and your eyes are so dark and calm. It makes me want to know what you're thinking."      

     His fingers find their way to a fist. "You know absolutely nothing about me. So ehat do you want?" It came out harsher than he meant. 

      "I want to get inside your head. I want to understand you; know what you're thinking." Tommy answered, unfazed.    

      "You want to _control_ me?"

   "No. I want to _unravel_ you." Tommy looked at him.

     Adam met his gaze. "Unraveling someone can be dangerous."

    "My whole life is dangerous."

      Tommy paused.

   "Are you planning to swing at me?"     

      Adam's brow furrowed. "No."  

    "Then why is your fist up?"

   He looked down at himself before lowering his hand. He shook his head and Tommy softened his gaze. "Adam, stop hiding from me. It's just me. You don't need to pretend around me."  

       "You don't understand."     

       "Then help me."  

      He shook his head again. "No—I can't."    

     "Then don't lash out on me if you don't want to help me understand. I can't read your mind, Adam. Use your words. Help me so I can help you."    

       "I don't want your help!" He snapped.    

        "Why?" Tommy pressed. "Why can't you just let me in?"  

       "Because you're not ready to see what I'm hiding!"

     Tommy almost took a step back at Adam's intensity. Adam never lost his temper around Tommy. Maybe he pried too much. 

   Adam turned away from him.

      "Adam—" Tommy whispered but Adam cut him off. 

      "You're not ready, Tommy. _I'm_ not ready. I understand what you're trying to do, but I _can't_. I'm wiling to help you, but I can't let you help me. I'm not ready."

      "Did you think I was ready?" Tommy backfired. "Did you think I _wanted_ you to see my ex hitting me, nearly _killing_ me? I didn't ask you to see that, Adam. That was the one thing I didn't want _you_ to see.

     "Every time I see you, I can't imagine what you think of me. It's embarrassing to be a man and be beaten by a woman, and he's too afraid to defend against her, so another man has to step in. _I_ wasn't ready, Adam. I wasn't ready to let you see either. You have a choice. I didn't." 

     With that, he turned away and began walking to his own hall. The small crowd of students who were watching the scene began to mumur to each other as they split in different directions. 

   

     ***

 

      Tommy wasn't exactly sure what he was thinking when he winded up at the bar. He wasn't in the mood to drink, he just needed somewhere to think. Besides, he hasn't visited Sutan in a long time. Today was one of their slow days; usually people didn't come to drink until dusk.

     The bar is usually packed with hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the rock music that dominates the atmosphere. The crowd is always young, mostly the students from the university. Tommy winds his way through the scattered students, looking for Sutan. Sutan glanced up at Tommy as he sat down on one of the stools. 

      "We can't serve you sir. Rules state anyone under eighteen cannot be given alcoholic beverages." 

      Tommy flipped him off. 

      Sutan looked up again, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Not you, _princess_. I was talking to the man behind you."

     Tommy looked back at the man Sutan was referring to. "Whoops, my bad."

     "I'm assuming you're looking for Adam? He's not here." 

      "I know."

    Sutan frowned. "Why are you here, then? Don't you have classes?"

     Tommy shook his head. "No, the professors are having a board meeting all day today, so they let us go early."

     "If that's the case, then Adam should be here soon, if you're wanting to talk to him."

      "I'm not here to talk to him. I'm here to drink."

       "Well, finally something I can help you with.” He passed Tommy a beer. “So what happened with you and Adam?" 

      He held up a hand before Tommy could speak. "Wait, let me guess. His issues got in the way."

       " _What?"_

  Sutan carefully looked around the bar, searching for any onlookers. Then he motioned Tommy to the back of the bar, where the coworkers usually get drunk on their break. "I swear to Christ if you tell anyone, I'll kill you myself." He hissed. 

     Tommy blinked at him. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

      "Tommy, I'm serious. Don't say anything about it; it's extremely personal."

     "Alright, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I won't tell." 

     Sutan sighed. "Alright, but I don't know everything, just what he's told me. He's a very private person; he doesn't like to share his life story. The only reason I'm telling you right now is because you'll just keep prying at him to open up to you and it'll just destroy him."

     Tommy waited.

    Sutan looked away. "His mother died during childbirth. A natural, almost common thing, I suppose, at that time. Not that his father cared—the only time he ever reacted was when the medical and the funeral bills came in.

     "Adam took the worst of it. All he ever really wanted was a place where he could feel safe and be himself, but according to his father, that was too much to ask.

      "From the tender age of one to eighteen, which was when he moved out, he was the master of hiding. His father would get drunk and take out his rage on his only son. It's a miracle Adam's alive today. He grew up down in San Diego, in a one bedroom apartment.

     "His father Eber, young _himself_ , was always out playing poker with his friends. His father is well known in these parts, and his only son was as well. Eber had a girlfriend, who went by the name Valerie, who had just turned nineteen.

      She had a child of her own, named Neil, who was treated better than Adam. Valarie has no job; she had lived in her parents’ basement until they kicked her out after discovering she was pregnant.

      She moved in with Eber, who’s only payment was selling drugs in a black market. They often lived on cold water with even _colder_ hot dogs. Sometimes if they’re lucky, sometimes they get soap.

      Adam was a very unhappy child. He had no desire to learn, and certainly no desire to make friends. I found him one night in an alley as I was driving by. He was about fifteen and I was eighteen. 

  "Instead of minding my own business, I asked him for his name. He told me he didn't have a name. At first I was surprised, almost vaguely wondering if he was kidding with me. But he looked just as confused as I did. I asked him what name his parents referred him by, and he told me ' _boy_.'"

      Sutan shook his head.

    "Saddest thing I've ever seen. A young boy in the middle of the night, shivering in the rain, didn't know his own name. I offered to give him a ride home, just to get him out of the rain, and he refused. Told me he was left here on purpose, and if I were to return him, he'd surely be killed. And I couldn't believe what I was hearing. 

      "I made him get into my car so he could get out of the rain while I did a search for his mother. He told me his mother was dead. I asked him for her name, so I could do a search of her obituary. She died years ago, so I wasn't sure if it were still up. Her name was Leila Lambert, who married Eber Lambert, and had one son, Adam Lambert."

      "I looked at him and I told him his name was Adam. Since then, he's been with me. I was still in high school. But by the time he was sixteen, I had already landed him his first job. I wanted him to go to college. I had taught him his entire educational career. I was everything to him; his mother, his father, his friend, his teacher. He never told me what he experienced at home, and I never asked."

     "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

       Sutan shook his head. "You weren't ready. The information I have isn't much, but it was enough to make you see differently about him if I had told you earlier. I wanted you to learn his personality without knowing much about his childhood."

      Well, now Tommy feels like shit. He had unknowingly pried into Adam's life, much to his protesting, and Tommy had the nerve to act pissy when Adam refused. If Tommy would have known, he wouldn't have brought it up.

      "So now that you know, don't ask him about it again. Ever. It already destroys him. Let Adam come to you if he wants to. Don't pressure him, Tommy. Got it?"

     He nodded. 

    Sutan looked past him. "He's not here yet, so you probably have time for another beer, although I should be scolding you for not studying. Come on, I have to get back to the counter before they start jumping past the gate to drink the liquor."

     Sutan led him back to the front of the bar, handing him another beer. “So, how are you doing with your new career search? Any progress?”

    Tommy looked down at his bottle. “Sort of?”

      Sutan tapped his painted nails against the counter. “I will drag your ass out of here and beat the shit out of you.” He deadpanned.

      Tommy looked up. “And how are you planning to do that?”

      Sutan reached into his pocket and pulled out a Beretta M9 handgun. “With this.” He said, waving it casually.

“Jesus Christ! You had that in your _pocket_?”

     “Relax, TJ. It’s only for emergencies.”

      The door opened.

     Sutan looked up. His eyes immediately shot to Tommy, a silent warning. Tommy froze, eyes trained on Sutan, analyzing his reaction. "I'm going to faint." Tommy hissed.  

     "You're fine. Just stay calm."

    Adam gave a brief nod to Sutan before disappearing to the back of the bar. He didn't glance at Tommy. 

      "Something's wrong." Sutan murmured. 

      "It's because of me." Tommy explained. 

     "No," Sutan shook his head doubtfully. "It's something else."

     "Well I know I play a part in it."

      "Maybe so, but right now, that's not it. In fact, that seems to be the least of his problems. I'm going to go talk to him. I'll be back." Sutan paused by the door, looking at Tommy.

     He hesitated. "There is a reason why Adam's fire does not burn, Tommy."

      With that, he disappeared into the back. 

    Prying into Adam's life was bad enough, but now Tommy might be the reason why Adam could've been crying. That was something he never intended to do. Sutan returned a minute later with a grim expression.

     "He's not good. He's—" He cut himself off, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what's wrong with him."

     "Go talk to him. I have to go anyway." 

     "Thanks TJ. I'll see you later?" 

    Tommy nodded, getting to his feet. Sutan had already disappeared to the back again. Grabbing his phone, Tommy left the bar. It was now about mid-morning.

     Since there were no classes, very few students were on campus. Most have either went home to visit their parents, or still sleeping. Since it was a 3-day weekend, Tommy decided to call his mother, who lived about an hour away.

     Tommy has no car; it wasn't necessary since everything was within walking distance. He walked into his housing building, once again debating the stairs or the elevator. Remembering the encounter with Natalie, he shuddered and took the stairs. 

      Unlocking the door and kicking off his shoes, Tommy once again collapsed onto his bed. Images of Adam flashed through his mind, and how anxious Sutan looked. Maybe Tommy did fuck up. Wouldn't be the first time. 

      

* * *

 

      _Tommy finds Adam leaning against the wall, watching everyone dance. To see him out of his....cage, is a surprise to Tommy. He once told Tommy that he sat in the cage so no one could attempt to grope at him. He seemed to be looking for someone. Tommy, perhaps?_

_Tommy slid through the bodies, making his way to Adam. When Tommy reaches him, they lock eyes. Tommy immediately wants to back out, but he keeps his head high and meets Adam's gaze._

_He feels so small, standing in front of Adam. "Can we talk?" Tommy asks, his voice quiet and almost inaudible in the thumping bass. Adam nods once, and Tommy leads him away._

_Like expected, once Adam moved away from the wall, the people began to attack. Tommy immediately wrapped a protective arm around Adam’s waist, barking at people to get back. Tommy may be small, but he could be a real neurotic bitch._

_The other side of the bar was more quiet, mostly for the people who dreaded going home, so they come here to get drunk and mentally prepare themselves. Tommy pulled Adam towards a wall, away from the few people. He let go of Adam's waist, only to hold both his hands. He was vaguely surprised that Adam didn't pull away._

_"I'm sorry." Tommy whispered. Adam's tired eyes met his. Then he was leaning down and Tommy was leaning forward and their lips meet. Tommy immediately gasped at contact, his hands clenching into fists. His hands hold a shaky grip on Adam's shirt, pulling him closer._

_"Are you still mad at me?" He whispered against Adam's pulsing lips. Adam shook his head, his breathing shaky—_

     Tommy bolted up. He didn't remember falling asleep. He immediately rolled out of bed and into the bathroom, turning on the shower. He didn't bother to undress, and just stuck his head underneath the cold stream. 

     How dare he think of Adam like that!

     His hands shook and he slumped to the shower floor. His clothes clung to his body and his hair lay flat. What the hell is wrong with him? He touched two fingers to his lips, almost able to feel Adam's mouth on his. 

     Tommy shook his head to clear the images, but the dream felt so _real_. Tommy could feel Adam's skin on his. Strange thing is; Tommy didn't mind Adam kissing him. Granted, it was just a dream, but if it were to really happen....Tommy wouldn't mind. 

     "Ugh, what the hell am I saying?" He whispered to himself. He was straight, and Adam was straight. There's no possible way that would happen. Number one, Adam right now wants nothing to do with Tommy and two, Natalie would flip her shit. It's her ultimate goal to keep the two apart. But Tommy's been straight his entire life, and never questioned it. "I'm straight," he whispered. "I'm sure."

    But if he were sure, then why is he doubting himself? 

        He shakily turned off the water, now shivering from the cold. He grabbed a towel hanging on the rack and dried off as best as he could. Everything on him was soaked, so he had to put on dry clothes and leave the other ones to hang and dry. 

     He winced at a sharp pain, looking down at his arm. Damn it, he wasn't supposed to get the bandage wet. Now that was ruined as well. He ripped it off, threw it in the trash and walked out. 

    His arm was unfamiliar to the air. Usually it was covered by his jacket sleeve and wrapped. But Tommy's arms were bare, only in a thin tee shirt. His hair dried, forming into a blond fluffy mess.

      Sitting on his bed, Tommy wrapped his arms around himself. The same hands that Adam held in his own hands. The same hands that—

     A sharp rapid knock on his door jarred him from his thoughts. Tommy stood up, still shivering, and opened the door. If his teeth weren't chattering he would've screamed. Adam stood there, hair nearly covering his darkened eyes. 

     "I'm sorry." Both said in usion. 

       "Shit, I'm sorry."  They said it again in usion. Tommy held up his hand. 

       "I'll go first." He took a deep breath. "Adam, it was wrong of me to push you like that. I should've listened to you when you explained to me that you weren't ready. I let my anger get the best of me, and I was in the wrong. I'm sorry."

     Adam's expression was soft and a little embarrassed. "You didn't know." He said softly. "I knew eventually it would stab me in the back if I didn't do something about it. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I know you were just trying to learn more about me, and I'm sorry I pushed you away. I fucked up." 

      "I fucked up too." Tommy whispered. "Come inside."

     Adam hesitated. 

   Tommy moved away from the door, opening it wider. Adam slowly stepped inside, avoiding Tommy's gaze. Tommy shut the door after him, leaving it unlocked.

      The room suddenly darkened as the sun moved behind the clouds. Tommy considered turning on a light, but decided against it. His head was still killing him from the night before. 

       Unable to stand it any longer, he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Adam. Adam immediately returned the embrace, letting out a small sigh of relief. Tommy usually isn't a touchy-feely person, although he turns into a little cat when someone starts playing with his hair. 

      Adam's hand brushed against Tommy’s forehead. "You're shivering"

     Yes, he is. He's chilled to the _fucking_ bone because he can't seem to control himself. "How are you feeling?" He asked sincerely. Tommy doesn't answer for a moment. Adam's question is expecting multiple answers.

     And Tommy doesn't want to think about Natalie, or his head, or how he's feeling. All he wants to focus on is Adam's arms around him, focus on Adam's heartbeat. "I'm okay." He said finally.  

     Thankfully, Adam doesn't pressure him. Tommy isn't ready yet, simply because it's too much to handle. Like Adam's own issues, Tommy will wait.

     His head lifts at the command of Adam's hand, never looking anywhere other than his face, his obsidian hair that fell in tousled locks into his eyes. His warmth seeped into Tommy's being and somehow Adam could comfort him without even opening his mouth.  

     By the dim lighting,  Tommy's bones are sharp, yet his skin is mellow like a peach. In the dimness his eyes turn from their soft brown to almost black, each pupil quite undetectable.

     He looks so different, as if he just stepped out of another era instead of the strip-light campus both spend their days in. By this sallow light he could be anyone in history, but he isn't. He's Tommy, someone Adam cares about. Maybe even too much. 


	5. Five

    When Tommy was depressed, he would lie awake at night and listen to Marilyn Manson’s album ‘The High End of Low’ on repeat for hours. It was the only thing that could calm him down and remind him that he wasn’t alone. Of course, there was also Sutan to talk to. But Sutan couldn’t explain everything, no matter how wise he is.

     That leaves Adam, who has his own problems to deal with and frankly Tommy doesn’t want to add his own problems to the mix. So like many nights before, Tommy stares at the ceiling, allowing the music to fill his mind with empty thoughts.

     His fingers ghost over the fading bruise right below his left eye, the images of the night before resurfacing into his brain. He had hid from her for two weeks before she found him. But hiding wasn't really accurate; it was more like making sure Adam was by Tommy's side whenever he could be exposed to Natalie's attacks. However, Tommy didn't just want to be around Adam because of his intimidating demeanor, there were other reasons too. 

     Keeping Natalie away just happened to be one of them. Still, Adam needed his space. Tommy didn't always want to be up his ass all the time, eventually he was going to have to face Natalie. When that happens, Tommy needs to have 911 on speed dial and a room in the hospital reserved for him. 

    Ugh, he hated that side of himself. That shy, little-known part of him that only surfaces when Tommy least expects it. He shuddered, getting up and turning off his stereo. Natalie had once again ruined what little serenity Tommy had left. Pulling on his favorite jacket and grabbing his phone, Tommy grabbed his dorm key and left. 

    

     

* * *

 

 

      Tommy is a fuck up. Absolutely, one hundred percent, and because of it he has nothing left. He avoided Adam all week, which most likely hurt him beyond words because Adam thinks it's because of _him_ and it's really because Tommy can't control himself not to pour out his life story in a blubbering mess.

      Okay, so maybe he was a _little_ drunk, but it still doesn't matter. He was kneeling in the street, slumped as if dead, but merely unconscious. He was veering dangerously into the streets often, only jumping back onto the sidewalk at last minute as the cars honked aggressively.

     Tommy smacked right into a wall and he spent five minutes baring his teeth in an animalistic way, snarling at it. After a minute he apologized and asked the wall for forgiveness. 

  Again, just a _little_ drunk. 

     Tommy rose unsteadily to his feet, red laced eyeballs aching and unable to focus as he stumbled down the street. People moved busily down the streets, pushing to get their last minute errands in before the rain hits. Tommy hopes it rains so hard that it washes the streets away, taking him with it.

     Tommy pulled his black hood over his head, passing by the club where Sutan and Adam worked. He didn't mean to come this way, but it was too late. Through the window, Adam and Tommy made eye contact.

      Fucking hell.

  Quickly, Tommy began sprinting down the street as fast as his drunken state would allow him. Even with a head start Adam was already on Tommy's heels. What the hell, did he run track?

_How was he so fast_? Weaving dangerously in and out of traffic, half blinded by glare of headlights, Tommy darted into the first building he saw with Adam right behind him.

    From the street it looks like nothing. There's just weary double doors painted racing green. They're closed, which means nothing. Each door has a closer on the top. The door has some bullet holes in it though, that's not good.

      Maybe the shooter took up residence here.  Tommy shouldn't go in, not even alone, but it's either that or facing Adam and Tommy can't decide which is worse at this moment.

     Tommy wildly searched for an exit, but there wasn't enough time to stop. The decrepit staircase creaks and groans as Tommy raced up the staircase. He was able to hike one leg over the railing when Adam's arms wrapped around him.

      “Let go of me!” Tommy yelled, flailing in his arms. But Adam was too strong and managed to haul most of Tommy over the rail, enough so that he wasn’t in total danger of falling again. He flailed in Adam's arms, desperately attempting to get him to let go but Adam's grip only tightened.

      "Please, just let me die." He wailed, giving up on all pretense of fighting and falling into a desolate sobbing that only comes from a person drained of all hope. "I can't." Came Adam's ragged, desperate reply.

     Tommy momentarily struggled, but gave up. He limply leaned against Adam, struggling to keep his tears silent. Adam grunted, pulled the rest of Tommy over the rail and onto the concrete stairs, and only then did he realize Tommy was bleeding.  

* * *

     The first night was perhaps the worst night. Lots of waiting. Lots of tests. Lots of unanswered questions. And pain. God, so much _pain_. He didn't think it would ever end. And the small dosage of morphine that was given to him didn't even create a dent.

     Every wave of hot torture was stronger than the last, and not even sleep could disrupt it. It would've been kinder to kill him, for he has no right to think otherwise. After three hours of waiting, Adam was finally allowed to see him.

      "I have a couple of questions for you Adam, before you go in." The kind, older nurse said. "We've stitched and disinfected the wound on his arm. What was that from, again? I think you told me but I don't remember."

    "A skiing accident." Adam lied smoothly.

     "Right." The nurse said, eyeing the bruise on Adam's temple. "We've also found traces of alcohol in his system."

  "We were at a party and I think he drank too much." Adam explained. "He doesn't drink on a regular basis, only once in a while when we have those campus parties." He hated lying, but telling her the truth could possibly get them both in deep shit.

   "He's still underneath the morphine so he might not be very responsive. He's pretty dehydrated as well so we've got some fluids mixing. Mostly, he's just exhausted. Doesn't seem like he's slept in days. Please contact me if something goes wrong."

   Adam nodded. 

   "There's something else." The nurse said. Well Jesus, how bad did he hurt himself?  

     "He's showing signs of anorexia." 

    Adam blinked. 

   To say he didn't know this would be a lie. Adam knew fairly well. Tommy doesn't know that Adam knows, or maybe Tommy doesn't even know he is anorexic. But Adam knew.  He shuffled into the room, eyes immediately finding Tommy.

     His features were much softer in sleep, the lines that usually creased his brow replaced by the youthful appearance. Adam carefully sat down in the chair next to Tommy's bedside and sighed. Tommy's chocolate brown eyes opened and closed from the light of the fluorescent lights and Adam sort of smiled. "Hey." He whispered.

   "Hey," Tommy whispered back. His hand reached out to grasp Adam's. 

     "How are you feeling?"

    "I'm hurting." Tommy admitted. "Did they find my bruises?"

    "I explained it was a skiing accident a few months ago. They gave you a little shot of morphine for the pain."

     "How long am I here?"

     "The latest will be tomorrow night; if you're feeling better, you might get released in the morning."

   Tommy nodded once, shifting onto his side with a wince. Adam's tired gaze met Tommy's. He was doing it again, speaking to Tommy with his eyes. He remained trapped in his stare, trying to hear him, to read the underlying message. A female voice echoed through the hallway, one Adam and Tommy know too well. "Oh God," Tommy whispered in horror. Adam rose to his feet, hand still trapped in Tommy's. 

     Her voice drew closer.

   "Adam!" Tommy panicked. 

     "It's alright." Adam said softly, standing up and letting go of Tommy's hand. He quietly strode out of the room. Tommy waited for what felt like an eternity. He couldn't get up to lock the door because he wanted Adam to come back. 

      He flinched when Adam touched his shoulder. He feared it was Natalie. "I'm back." Adam murmured. 

    "Was it her?" Tommy asked. 

    "Yes. She won't be coming in."

   "You don't know that."

    "Tommy, just try to forget about her right now. You're with me, and I won't let her get to you. Just try to sleep for now."

     "Will you still be here?" Tommy murmurs, pressing Adam's hand to his cheek. Adam nodded. With a sigh, Tommy settled down, closed his eyes, and willed her mind to empty. Beside him, Adam's hand lies still on top of Tommy's. 


	6. Six

   As a child, you are programmed to believe that home is a safe place. A sense of comfort, a sense of sanctuary, and a sense of security. When you go somewhere, eventually you can't wait to come back home. But you are wrong.  

       Home is not a safe place for some children. To them, going home meant having to hide from a violent, abusive parent. Going home meant endorsing screaming, crying, running and hiding. To them, home is no longer a safe place.

     Adam shivered, getting to his feet from the crouching position that he had claimed minutes ago, unaware of the curious set of eyes watching him from another room. This house never felt like his home. Just as quietly as he came, he left. He was halfway down the hallway when the door opened. The same door he just closed.

       "Who are you?" A young boy, perhaps 10, eyed Adam suspiciously. The boy is Adam's brother Neil; Adam knows this even perhaps before Neil does. Adam was only nine when Neil was born. If he were to get lucky, Neil wouldn't know that he even existed.

      "A friend of the man who used to live here." Adam lied, thinking of his father as anything else but a friend. Neil frowned, studying the stranger.    

   "Eber has no friends."  

    Now that, Adam believed. "Where is he?" Adam asked.   

     "Out looking for someone." Neil shrugged     

    "And your mother?"   

    "You tell me." He glared at Adam briefly before dropping his gaze to the floor. "She left a few years ago. Never came back."     Typical Valarie. Adam remembered the frequent tines where Valarie would get fed up with Eber's shit and walk out, only to come crawling right back to him.

       "So, you're just here by yourself?"    

   Neil nodded, kicking the carpet with the toe of his shoe. "Dad likes to drink a lot. I'm not sure exactly what he drinks, but it makes him violent."  

       "I believe it." Adam said dryly.  

     "What's your name? And how do you know my father?" Neil changed the subject.

     "My name is Adam. Your father and I lived close to each other." Too fucking close.     

    "You look kind of young to have your own apartment." Neil wrinkled his brow. 

    Everyone says that." Adam replied. "But it's all right now. I'm free."    

     "Free from what?" Neil questioned.      From the pain, Adam thought.

   Then, he looked away. "I should go, I can't be here long."   

       "Should I tell my father you came by?"    

      "No," Adam answered. "It's not a big deal. I just wanted to make sure he was still here."    

      "Goodbye Adam." Neil waved from the door. "Thank you for talking to me for a little. I don't feel so lonely."  

       Adam smiled. "Take care, Neil."     Outside, it was raining. Adam kept a slow, steady pace towards the campus, unbothered. Periodically, he did this. Came back to visit his home, check on Neil, and anything else.

  He doesn't know why he does this; all it does it put him in a depressed mood. Neil doesn't know Adam is his brother, and Adam preferred to keep it like that. Adam has been trapped underneath his father's fists too many times.

    Was it shitty to leave Neil in a environment like that? Absolutely. But what could Adam do? The rain bore down mercilessly upon the streets, pounding on the rooftops and making the roads slick. On the sidewalk lies the remains of a hopscotch game, ruined by the rain.

    The outline is still there, a ghostly shadow of what it was before the heavy rains. Above the sky is dominated by tumbling greys, smoky and silver. Adam studies the rainbow sheen, and he wasn't exactly sure what made him turn away. Perhaps it was another piece of his childhood lost. 

    Or perhaps it was the heavy feeling in his heart. His jacket gave up on keeping his body dry a while ago. On a rainy day like this there's just no point in heavy clothes, the only thing that'll keep Adam warm is his own movement. Head down, he pressed on.

    ________________________________________

   Sutan looked up when the door opened, his expression immediately turning into a scowl when Natalie flaunted through the entrance. With black hair of silk and her head held high, she waltzed on with an effortless saunter. The clicking of her heels added rhythm to the soft music that played onward without pause.

      Her eyes scanned the room with determination in search of someone. When her eyes met Sutan's, she smiled. She approached the bar counter, planting down in one of the stools. "Do you know someone named Thomas?" She asked, slightly pushing her cleavage up with her arm so they'd appear bigger. She flashed another smile.

   Sutan blinked at her. "He's not here." He replied shortly. Her blue eyes, like the sea, were calm and emotionless. Alluringly, she would blink her eyes from time to time, allowing her eyelashes to flutter like the wings of a butterfly. Her full lips pouted slightly.

    "That's a shame. He hasn't called me in a few days."

     "Maybe he's focused on his studies instead of abusive little tramps."

     Natalie cocked her head to the side a little. "He can be a little...difficult." She answered, that smile never wavering. Sutan hummed an answer, clearly not believing her. "He can. He's as stubborn as ever."

    "Are you trying to persuade me of something? I've known Tommy for years, darling. Probably more years than you've been alive. If you're going to sit here and waste my time, you need to leave; Tommy's not here, and you barely look nineteen, therefore you have no purpose here. We don't sell drinks to minors"

    "With your sunny personality, I can see how you get so many customers."

     "I don't put up with bullshit." Sutan crossed his arms. Natalie slid off the barstool, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

    "If you happen to see Tommy, I'd like to speak with him." She called over her shoulder. When she left, Adam appeared by Sutan's side.

   "Hi sunshine." Sutan said, his cheerful mood returning.

     "I hate that bitch." Adam responded.

      "Me too." Sutan fussed with Adam's hair. "Her whole personality screams violent. Have you seen Tommy?" Adam shook his head.

    "No. The last time I saw him, he was heading off to class. That was a few days ago."

    "Don't you think you should check on him?" Sutan tried not to pressure him.

    Adam shrugged. "Part of me wants to, but the other part wants to leave him alone. I don't want to be up his ass all the time."

     Sutan clicked his tongue. "No, but he's your friend. What's holding you back?"

    "Something you already know." Irritation laced Adam's voice. Sutan leaned over, squeezing Adam's hand.

     "Are you going to tell him?"

     "No." Adam said firmly. "He's not ready."

     "Maybe he is. You guys seem to get along well." Sutan asked gently. Adam looked over at his friend. "You know, Tommy has an issue too." Sutan said.

    "His issue is on a completely different level than mine."

     "Maybe not theoretically, but mentally the same. It's nice to have someone to talk to."

     "I have you." Adam insisted. 

     Sutan smiled half heartedly. "I won't be here forever Adam. Soon you'll be heading out of here, working on your own career."

     "You mean sitting in a cage until midnight?" He asked dryly.  

        "You know damn well that cage is the only thing keeping you sane in here." Sutan glanced lazily at him. Then he changed the subject. "You know, Tommy likes music too. Wants to be a musician."   

      "Really?"    

    Sutan nodded. "He's been playing the guitar since he started walking. He's going to school to be a lawyer to please his father. But he's a sweet kid. From what I've heard, there's something radiating from within that renders him irresistible to both genders." He winked at Adam, and Adam shot a look at him.  "Do you have classes today?" Sutan asked, changing the subject once more.    

     "Not today. I stayed for the after session yesterday."   

       Sutan nodded. "It's a nice day. Why don't you and Tommy go for a walk into town? Discuss about your music interests."

     Adam tensed.   

      "It's just Tommy." Sutan said, like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. "He's laid back, just like you. You'll be fine. Besides, it might brighten your attitude."

         Adam scowled at him and Sutan smiled. "Hurry, before that psycho bitch clamps her teeth on him again."   

* * *

* * *

 

   He turned around and glanced into his wall-length mirror, something he hadn't done in a very long time. Tommy started at his feet, averting his eyes from his own face. His feet were bony and thin, like the rest of his body. No surprise there.      

    He let his gaze rise up and Tommy took in his whole body, wincing at the emaciated figure that stared back at him. He wasn't just thin, he was scary thin. His clothes were layered and loose to hide the bones that jutted out.   

       But it was so clear just looking at his cheekbones and the skinniness of his hands, Tommy was _starving_ himself. What had he let himself become? He felt like a hollow shell of his once vibrant self. Legs thin as twigs, bundled in nothing more than soft, worn skinny jeans.   

      A chest so frail, the bump of each rib was visible underneath the woven cotton and knit. A face so sunken in, the intense outline of his skull was detectable under the pale and bruised skin. He wondered how far he was from needing hospitalization and how far he was from organ failure.  

       When Natalie first began criticizing his weight, Tommy completely stopped eating. Tommy was always very thin, and after a few days of not eating, he was hungry, bitterly hungry. Then after a couple of days the hunger went away. He still felt weak, he still wanted food, but the hunger pangs weren't there.     

    Tommy knew he was messed up when anorexia started sounding like a solution, when induced starvation was more attractive than just being himself. He wasn't really fat, just not skinny enough, at least according to Natalie, so he tried it. He'd already tried eating and vomiting, but it failed.

    Starvation was a bullet. He stowed it for protection, to enhance his chances of survival in a demon's eyes. Adam took in Tommy's gauntness, the sickly lack of color in his face. His hair was wane, so dull compared to how it had been when he had curves.

    The look Sutan always gave Tommy when he refused the food Sutan had offered was tired and worn, a expression so broken, more than Tommy had ever received from his friend before. Not because Sutan loved Tommy less, but from the sadness of seeing his friend so reduced.

    The vomit almost overshot the plastic bag Tommy had hastily prepared. The hunger has returned with vengeance. It was the most terrible pain, constant, grinding. That's when Tommy began to look more skeletal with each passing day.

     Now, anything Tommy ate, he immediately vomited it back up. His stomach couldn't take it. Tommy shivered, pulling back on his shirt. No one should see that.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The LOVE I've received from you guys is incredible! Thank you guys so much!

* * *

   It was the loud bang that left a hole in the wall, the thump of the flying vase, and the crash of the figure coming in contact with the floor. A smoldering stare held onto him, frozen in front of Natalie. She could feel her thoughts all gnarl together as the temptation to hurt him poisoned her bloodstream. An immaculate hunger twisting her insides as she lurched forward, pouncing at Tommy.

    He still hasn't crawled back to her, begging for forgiveness, and now his chaste soul was going to pay. She knew when she saw his eyes brimming with tears that she should relent, that a decent person would show forgiveness. But she felt a frisson of excitement that transcended her better nature and pushed her on.

     Only when he was openly weeping and broken would she stop. She'd feel guilty of course, but that never stopped her before and it wouldn't stop her this time.Tommy flinched in pain when she roughly grabbed him by his hair, jerking his head forward.

    He had managed to avoid her for two weeks, and when he had finally begun to let his guard down, she attacked at him again. "I want you to love me." 

   He scowled at her. "Kind of hard to love trash." There, his insult of the day. And frankly Tommy thought he did a fan- _fucking_ -tastic job. Of course, it'll just get his ass beat later, but he had a spark of confidence today. 

     "You've been avoiding me for two weeks, Thomas.  _Two_  weeks. How did that make you feel?" 

      The fucking greatest he's ever felt. “Wonderful.” He seethed. Only quick reflexes saved him from a well-aimed knee at a strategic point.

      "Your lack of eye contact should have warned me; it isn't natural to avert your gaze from one you love. You're supposed to do what I say. I see you've been letting yourself do what you please."

     "What relationship are you living in, Natalie?" Tommy demanded. "We're over, remember? You made that choice."

     Natalie glared at him for a moment, and the tears began brimming in her eyes. Tommy blinked at her and she threw herself into his arms. ”I’m sorry,” she heaved into his chest. His eyes snapped open and a spark of strength unleashed itself inside him and he roughly pushed her away.

     The shove was surprising and unexpected to Natalie, and she momentarily struggled to regain her balance. The muscles of her chin tremble like a small child, and Natalie looks towards the window, as if the light could soothe her. She took a step towards Tommy, hand outstretched and Tommy held out his own hand to stop her, backing away. .

    “ _Don’t_.” He threatened. “I need to go.”

    “Tommy, I  _need_  you.” She shrieked as another wave of misery unleashed inside of her. She didn’t attempt to come forward again, but Tommy still took a step back, eyes shutting to block the horror.

    “You need me?” He asked quietly. Almost scoffed. “I’ve needed you for years, Natalie.” His voice began to tremble and he cut himself off.

_“Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.”_

 His mother’s wise words echoed through his head. “You’re a monster.” He spoke again. “You prey on anything smaller than you, which happens to be me.” He never argued with his fists, his mother raised him right, but his words packed a powerful punch.

     Carefully spoken, without drama, his words had an air of finality to them and no matter how hard she would rail against them, nothing would change his mind. “You need help, Natalie Ann.”

    “You say it like it’s a bad thing.” She sniffled into her hands.

    “You tear someone else down to make yourself feel better. That, is low.”

   “I love you!” She cried, raising her head to meet his gaze.

    That was the breaking point of his patience. At that moment, Tommy was blinded by anger, hurt, and too many emotions to control. He threw off his jacket. “Is this what you call love?” He demanded, his bones clearly visible underneath his plain, white shirt.

    Natalie immediately looked away, but Tommy wasn’t done yet. “No, don’t you dare look away. I’ve had to look at this for three years, and the least you can do is look at what you’ve done to me! You’re  _killing_  me, Natalie. I can’t live like this. I can’t do it.”

     He willed himself to calm down, but he was just so angry. "I'm trying, baby." Natalie whispered.  "Please, forgive me."

     Tommy wasn't one to hold grudges. Once something happened, there's an apology and he moves on. This would be the one case that he wouldn't accept.

    "Throwing a vase at me is trying?" He scoffed. "Slamming my head against the wall is love? You're very mistaken. You're an abuser of love. You thrive on inflicting pain upon others. You need help."

     "You need to love me!" Natalie barked. 

     "I do love you. But I don't love who you've become." The door clicked sosoftly shut behind him. Natalie stayed rooted to the spot, the door’s breeze moving her hair softly away from the cheekbones that had become so much more prominent over the previous weeks.

 

* * *

 

    There’s a sharp rap at the door, an urgent type of tapping.

     Shit.

    Immediately Adam scrambles out of bed and lurches towards the door because there’s only one person he knows to knock at his door at ungodly-o-clock in the morning and it’s never a good sign when it happens.       He peeks through the peep hole and sure enough standing outside his dorm, glowing amber-soft in the dim lighting, is Tommy,  looking like the poster child for desolation. He’s shivering in the thin t-shirt that stretches tight over his sharp bony shoulders.

     He looks as beautiful as ever, honeyed shadows cast over the sharp planes of his face, but his eyes are hollow and blank and Adam is hit with a jolt of worry. It’s bad this time, Adam can tell. Really bad. He throws on a pair of sweatpants from his floor and tiptoes as fast as he can back to the front door, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste. He all but throws the door open. Tommy has his head bowed, but it does nothing to hide the red mark that blossoms on his cheek.    

      “Hey.” Tommy whispers. His bottom lip trembles. Wordlessly Adam holds his arms open in invitation and Tommy flings himself into his embrace with a strangled sob. He buries his face into the crook of Adam’s neck and they stand there like that for a while, Tommy wracked with the force of unvoiced cries and Adam holding him, heart aching for his best friend.

  Tommy holds him tight, and Adam holds him tighter and the three years of hate, violence and cruelty comes back to Tommy, and he feels so small and helpless and he hasn’t felt this way since he was fourteen years old, and he doesn’t know why he’s allowing himself to feel this vulnerable but he is, and he can’t change it.

    When Tommy lifts his head, Adam is staring off into the distance, a hard look in his eyes. When Tommy turned at last to face Adam there was no trace of tears, not in his eyes or in track marks on his reddening face. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard.

      In that moment Adam knew he was already far away. In the short months they have known each other, Adam had never seen Tommy look that way, his eyes had a deadness, a stillness. The boy who laughed often, the one who was everyone's friend had developed a hardness.

     Perhaps if Adam had saved him, got to him faster, things would have been different between them. "Tell me everything." Adam whispers into Tommy's soft hair, and Tommy doesn't hesitate to tell him everything. Adam let's Tommy collect his thoughts, patiently waiting at his desk while Tommy sits on the bed. 

      While Tommy speaks, Adam's expression doesn't waiver. He doesn't show a hint of emotion, which lets Tommy know that he is listening. Adam doesn't judge him, which Tommy is thankful for.

      "I left shortly after," Tommy finishes. 

    "What were you doing in her dorm?" Adam asks.

     "Her neighbor Tiffany contacted me and told me Natalie was destroying the place. I only went over there to make sure she didn't kill herself."

     "Do you still care about her?"

    "I think a part of me always will. She was such a sweet girl when we met. I'm not sure what happened between us."

      "I think I'm ready to tell you. About Natalie. There are things I'm hiding from you." He suddenly looked up at Adam. "But I want you to see my bruises."

    Adam blinked at him. "I want you to see what she's doing to me." Tommy explained.

     A weird feature passed through Adam's expression. "Tommy, I don't want you to feel like you have to show me. I believe you."

    "It's not about that, I just need to share it. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll forget what she's capable of."

    Without waiting for Adam's response, Tommy began. "Natalie is more than a little aggressive. She's abusive. Violent. She's been assulting me for three years. And every time I've tried to get away from her, somehow she always finds me and the beating once she's found me is always harder than the last.

"She put fear in my heart. She makes me feel….worthless and empty; yet every time she ends it, she crawls right back to me. And I don't know why I let her. Maybe it's because my parents used to scream nonstop at each other, and my father would get so angry he'd strike my mother.

"I don't want to end up like my father, so I don't put my hands on Natalie. I never will; I don't believe in that. But Natalie does. She craves my agony. My pain. She lives off of controlling me. And part of me just wants to hit her right back, but the other part reaches the finish line first and pulls me back, trapping me in silence as she unleashes her rage.

    Slowly, Tommy took off his shirt. There, his story was visible. The anorexia, the bruises and welts, all of it. "I don't know what sets her off. She'll hit me upside the head with something heavy, like a dumbbell. She uses whatever she can find. She pushes me, bites me, screams at me, and restrains me so I can't get away. A year ago, she began criticizing my weight. She tells me I'm ugly and fat, so I stopped eating."

    While he speaks, Adam's face remains calm and blank, like Tommy was informing him about the weather. "Now, I've become so thin and weak, there's barely a defense mechanism. I can't leave her, she's threatened multiple times to go after my mother, and you." He looked up at Adam. "I know she probably doesn't intimidate you, but that won't stop her. That's why I try to keep you two apart as best as I can. I don't want you even near her. She's sick....she needs help."

   His eyes drifted to the door. "I think that's why I refused to leave you alone." Like expected, Adam's fingers reached out to touch the biggest and probably the most painful bruise located on Tommy's collarbone. When his eyebrows raised in question, Tommy looked away.

     Baseball bat." He whispered. He wanted to hide away and cower. It was so embarrassing. He wanted to put on at least 3 layers of clothing and cocoon himself under seven blankets. Although it was only Adam, and Tommy was the one who presented the idea, he still felt uncomfortable.

    His story was out; written on his skin. He wore it like a jacket. Adam's fingertips brushed lightly against the bruises, his bones, light as a moth wing, circling them. Again, no emotion. Not even when the anorexia became visible.

     Adam's fingers never went anywhere other than Tommy's face, his hands, his flaxen hair that fell in tousled locks. "Where's your roommate?" Tommy murmurs. 

    "Who the hell knows." Adam mutters, rolling his eyes and looking away. "He's not here and honestly I don't care."

     "Is he still such an asshole?" Tommy asked. 

     Adam nods. "He always has a stick up his ass." His tired eyes met Tommy's. 

      “Are you feeling alright?” Tommy studied his reaction. 

    Adam nodded, looking confused. “I’m fine, why?”

        Tommy shrugged. “You look so tired.”

      He is.

    Adam can only sleep when exhausted. When he felt the tiredness in his chest, in how he breathed and his thoughts dragged by in slow motion, he slunk to a quiet spot and curled up. On good days he'd get three hours, on bad days, two.

     Should he doze later on he'd wake as soon as sleep came, always as fast as if a gunshot had sounded, heart beating fast and breathing as if he'd just surfaced from deep water. After that it was time to get up, to do something. 

    Constantly he walks with red-laced eyes and sluggish moves. “I have a sleep disorder.” Adam admitted. He waited for Tommy to scoff and label him as someone who is just terrified of their dreams and needs to sleep with a nightlight by his bed so the monsters underneath won’t grab him.

     To his surprise, Tommy’s face remained blank and calm, showing no indication of any of the scenarios Adam put together in his head. “Do you have any medication for it?”

        Adam shook his head. “They’ve tried dream suppressants, shots, pills, and just about anything else. None of it has worked.”

          “What is it about your dreams that you’re afraid of?”

       “Most of the things I fear have already happened to me, it’s the  _memories_  that follow. Every night there’s just a little more information that I begin to remember that I hadn’t before. It’s like reliving it again.”

      Tommy desperately wanted to squeeze the answers out of Adam. It was difficult not to ask what exactly Adam was re-living. He doesn't know much, only what Sutan had told him, but there has to be more to the story. Still, Tommy held back. “Do you know what triggers it?”

        “No. It’s like an automated reaction. I can't control it.”

   "So at night, when you begin to remember..." Tommy said slowly. 

     "I sit up and wait until the sun rises. It's unhealthy, I know. But it's better than falling asleep." Adam finished. 

     “Do you think it would help if you had someone to stay up with at night?"

     Adam looked at him. "Tommy—" he began.

     "Because I really like you and—"

    "You barely know anything about me." Adam interrupted. 

     "That doesn't matter anymore. I already love everything about you. I want you to move in with me. Forget your dick neighbor. If I can provide even a little bit of comfort to you, I will."

    "What about Natalie?" 

    Tommy made a face. "Forget her too. I'm tired of her controlling me. It's not like she enjoys everything I do."

    Adam sighs, and momentarily looks away. Tommy raises his hands to his own face to hide a smile. 

    "What?" Adam asked. Tommy still had him pinned with that damned, cute smile. 

     "You're not scowling for once."

  Adam scowled. And Tommy laughed. "I'm serious. You look more approachable when you don't scowl."

      Adam tried scowling again but couldn't help cracking a smile. Tommy shrugged back on his shirt. "I should probably go home, I have classes tomorrow." 

     Both stand up. "I'm sorry I woke you up." Tommy apologized. "I just really needed to talk to someone."

     Adam nods. "You know you're always welcome here."

   As they walk to the door, Tommy's hand brushed against Adam's, and Adam has Tommy pinned lightly against the wall without touching him. "Is this how you always approach people?" Tommy murmured, a smile pulling at his lips at the memory of those same words he spoke the first night. 

     "Only those I care about." Came Adam's low, serious response. When the two locked eyes, Tommy's eyes lingered on the features of Adam's face. Adam's fingers traveled over each of Tommy's shoulder, each forearm, until they rested over Tommy's wrists. _As their hands meet, so do their lips._

Fuck.  Would he ever stop doing that?

Looking away, his heart thrashed in his chest. What were these feelings? This feeling is so strange; it stretches throughout his whole body. It’s overwhelming, yet makes Tommy feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth; it’s just absolute. It feels as though Tommy's in a dangerous fire, yet he's completely safe at the same time.

     It feels as though someone’s given him peace. It feels as though _Adam_ has given him peace. Does Adam recognize it, too? It's absolutely unique. Tommy's heart is constricting and it feels as if there’s no oxygen in his lungs.

    It’s strange—frightening even–how you can go from someone being a complete stranger, to then being completely infatuated by them and wondering how it ever was that you were able to live without them?

     Because you sure as hell couldn’t imagine being without them now.The rest of the world could be as rough as it desired but it never would effect Adam, he shone with inner beauty and outer all the same. A gentle hand tilts Tommy's head towards Adam, and Tommy immediately detects the expression. 

      Adam is looking for something, and it must be in Tommy's gaze, and he's determined to find it. Tommy doesn't know exactly what it is, but it must be serious, based on how Adam's eyes barely move from his own. 

     He's staring into Tommy's soul, right through his brown orbs. If it were anyone else, it might've looked creepy. "I'll talk to the counselor about switching." Adam finally said, breaking what ever trance they had. Tommy blinked for a minute before remembering what Adam was referring to. 

    He nods once, willing his heart to slow. "I'll see you tomorrow."

   At last minute he wrapped his arms around Adam and hugged him. Adam stiffened briefly before returning the hug. 

     "I'll see you tomorrow." He replied, not quite meeting his gaze. Outside, Tommy touched his lips, briefly wondering how Adam's would feel on his.

 

* * *

 

 

       "Something is going on with Tommy." Adam said to Sutan on their break.

       "The survivor's remorse." Sutan commented from beside him. "Did he relapse again?"

     Adam shook his head. "Not this time, but it's the way he looks at me."

      "Well, how does he look at you?"

     Adam couldn't explain it. "I've seen it a few times in some of these people." He motioned to the customers.

     "That can't be a good look; most of these scums are alcoholic fathers with pissed-off wives and starving children. Men and women who look older than they are stumble into here with absolutely no purpose." They paused to look around the club. A woman slumped on a table, pint glasses and shot glasses scattered around her, someone crying in corner, anguish lost, couples in secluded bays, laughing, drinking games, another round, men boasting, swearing, threatening, fights. Yet this is the most popular attraction.

            "It's when they dance." Adam insisted. "The way they look." He paused.  "It's like... _admiration_." 

         "He probably does admire you. Who wouldn't?" 

        "I'm afraid of acting like a fool around him. And he has a girlfriend."

        "Ex girlfriend," Sutan corrects, "and she's an abusive cunt. And, you've also had a girlfriend, city boy." 

       Adam makes a face. "She could've been cleaner."

      Sutan tapped a nail on the table in thought. "When did you get this vibe from him?"

       "Last night in my dorm."

     "You two were together last night?" Sutan acted surprised. 

      "He had to talk to me about Natalie. He ended up telling me everything that had happened between the two."

      "So, he came forward and told you everything. Even the anorexia?"

       Adam nods. "He told me Natalie was criticizing his weight, so to please her, he stopped eating."

    Sutan shook his head. "He's the sweetest kid I know. That woman bullies him, beats him,  abuses him, and yet he does everything to keep her happy, even if it means losing himself in the process. It's dedication."

    "It's stupid." Adam answers. 

    "Not to Tommy. I'm sure he recognizes the stupidity just as well as you and I do, but he doesn't exactly have a lot of options. You've seen how Natalie acts. It's intriguing how he came forward and told you. He must trust you."

   "I hope he does." Adam murmured.

 "So, he's told you his story. I guess you're the only one left with one."

   "I'm working on it." Adam said. "I just want to wait until he's comfortable being around me."

   "Well he must, since he confessed. And his admiration. Adam, you're not going to meet anyone as honest as Tommy. I know you're insecure, and I respect that, but you've been fighting this battle alone for too many years. You can't keep pushing him away like that, especially if he's willing to listen. You've known him for at least five months now, don't you think he'd like to learn a bit more about you?"

   "I'm afraid he's going to judge me."

  "And I'm sure Tommy was thinking the same exact thing when he showed up on your door. Through that, he told you. That takes bravery."

  They were interrupted by a young woman dancing, late twenties, at least. Her name remained a mystery. She caught Adam and Sutan staring and began to saunter her way over to them. "Christ." Sutan growled. "Can't people just sit and drink?" 

  Adam smirked.

    Miss Nameless leaned on the bar, her black hair lying over one shoulder of her sequined dress. She lolled her head to one side, pushing out her red lips just a little. She wasn't drunk yet but she liked to give the impression that she was. The bar-tender on duty was there to take her order in a flash, eyes dropping only momentarily to her low-cut neckline.

     She twiddled her hair in a seemingly absent-minded way and giggled girlishly before ordering a dry Martini. She'd practiced drinking sexily from them at home in front of the mirror, just water in them then. She watched him fetch it, there were muscles under that shirt. His face was above average with those light eyes and tanned skin, perhaps she'd come back for him later.

     Instead, her eyes found something else to look at, two men she didn't mind looking at, at all. "Come here often?" She offered.

     "You could say that." Sutan responded, leaning against the wall. Adam and Sutan were like your two neighbors that nobody had the balls to fuck with. Individually it might appear like they're approachable, but together they were a walking hurricane, leaving but dust and shadows in their path. 

      The bartender returned with Miss Nameless' drink and she thanked him, pausing to slide her hand up his tattooed arm. And the poor sap was falling for it! Adam and Sutan smirked again as the woman messily wrote out her number and handed it to the man. "You guys want it too?" She asked. 

     Sutan and Adam had to look away so they wouldn't laugh. "We'll pass. Looks like you've got it handled."

   "Talk to Tommy." Sutan said out of earshot. "Some people search all their life for what you two have. You don't want to lose something like that."

    Silently, they returned to work. 

   


	8. Eight

     "Name?" The receptionist at the front desk asked.     

     "Ratliff, first name Tommy."    

       "Do you have an appointment with your advisor?"    

      "I do, with Adriana." He answered.  

       She briefly typed something into the computer. "She'll be right out soon."   Nodding, Tommy took a seat by the window, messing with his phone, only to remember he brought his Nintendo DS. Yes, Tommy was a small bit of a whore for old video games, specifically Mario Kart. He wasn't a nerd, but it was a rare thing he enjoyed.    

* * *

       After fumbling with the lock on the door, Adam was finally allowed to enter the bare rooms, stopping in the doorway. Adam steps further into the room, eyes scanning for his brother, or any sign of living. Yet, nothing. There are no lights, the only way Adam is able to see is the sunlight through the bare window. “Are you looking for Eber?”

      Adam turns at the voice. The old man had a fringe of grey-white hair around his balding, mottled scalp. He had a wizened face and a back slightly hunched. He had the resigned look of one who knows that at his age life has stopped giving and only takes away, a look Adam himself has developed already at nineteen.

      “Where is he?”

      “Well, you’re about the fifth person to wonder, but the first to ask.” The old man leans against the doorway, wincing at the pain in his joints. “They moved out yesterday. No one knows where. You’re his son, aren’t you?”

        To be recognized as Eber’s son creates panic, but the old man laughs. “There’s nobody to tell, kid.” He grins half-heartedly. “Your poster is still up in this town, so don’t be surprised when someone recognizes you.”   

     “My poster?” Adam repeats, confused. The old man holds up a shaking finger, turning away to his own apartment across the hall. When he returns, he hands Adam a crumbled, yellowed paper. In bold letters, the word MISSING is printed in red, with a young picture, Adam's picture, underneath it.   

       “This was posted in 99’, when the news first broke out.” The man explained. “Everyone had assumed you were taken, but they didn't know what went on inside to have any other.... _theory_." He trailed off.

    Adam looks up. "What do you mean?"  

       "It was obvious to me, but not to everyone else it seemed. I'm not going to go into detail, but let's just say that I don't blame you." Without another word, the old man turned away and stumbled back to his apartment. Adam turns back to the bare walls, gazing out a window. In this apartment lies the shattered remains of Adam's childhood.

      Bits and pieces lie scattered through each room. He wanders into what used to be his own room, where he spent countless hours locked away, hiding from the creepy men that would enter the place on multiple occasions. Most had an odd obsession with little boys, and Adam and Neil were their targets.

      Of course, Neil was always saved by Valarie who would sneak him off to her own bedroom and feed him while Adam was still locked in his own room. Vaguely he remembers pick-pocketing a stranger's a small knife during one of Eber's parties, before darting off to his room before Eber would notice he had left.

     There, Adam would spend hours slashing at the bottom of the wooden door to create a larger slit so his hand could fit underneath. Anyone who would walk by would receive a note flung at their feet from underneath the door, either asking them to open the door or to feed him.

      Often, it worked, and people would sneak him food underneath the door, but no one opened it, for fear Eber would notice. There was one particular woman who showed up regularly at Eber's parties, who received Adam's note. She was in her early twenties and had a child of her own.

    The woman was a prostitute, working often to feed her child, but she was the only person to ever open the door. She would sit on the floor and talk to Adam for hours. She would bring Adam food every time, and he often looked forward to her visits. The woman was later killed in a car accident, when Adam was ten. Once again, he would be alone.       

* * *

    Tommy was halfway through his third lap in the race when the door opened. Adrianna smiled warmly at her student. "Tommy? I'm ready, if you want to follow me." Shoving his DS into the pocket of his jacket, he followed her into her office. "How is law coming along?" She asked as they sat down at her desk.  

   "It's doing well, but that's not what I came to talk to you about. I live alone in my dorm because of an accidental placement. A few months ago I met a nice guy named Adam who already lives with a roommate."   

   "You want to switch Adam into your room?"    

   "Is is possible?" He asked.    

     "Absolutely, we have roommates moving in and out of dorms every day. What hall does Adam live in?"     

     "Hall A, I believe. The honors hall." While she was looking up Adam's dorm room number, Tommy's phone vibrated in his pocket. He glanced down.

   《I need you.》  

     His heart sank. Tommy looked back up at Adrianna. "I'm sorry, I've just been informed of a family emergency, can I come back later?" 

    Adam counted as a family emergency, right?

    "Absolutely, and actually I can switch Adam into your room while you're gone. Go ahead, I'll add Adam's name to your schedule list. I hope everything is well."     

   Grabbing his bag, Tommy left.    

* * *

 

  The house never changed. The same old liquor bottles lay scattered everywhere, empty of course. The paint on the walls were chipping, either from age or Adam's father throwing shit at the walls, creating holes and dents.

       "Adam?"  

    He hadn't meant to contact Tommy. He didn't even know Tommy's number was in his phone. Actually, he did, but he's not sure how it got there. “I didn't have a choice." Adam adds quietly.    

    "What are you saying?" Tommy asks, stepping into the room further.   

      “I'm saying, I left.” He met Tommy’s gaze. “When it got to be too much for me, I left. That's what I do, I leave when I can't handle or control things that are out of my grasp. I can't afford to let anyone see the roots that I lack inside myself."    

     Tommy paused, weighing Adam's words. He was beginning to respond when he was cut off by the most sudden, hysterical crying, Adam's crying, and the sobs only interrupted by his need to draw in air.  

    It was a terrible sound, one Tommy—and most likely the rest of the human race—is programmed not to ignore. Tommy blinked in shock. He looked up at the ceiling, caught between an impulse to help and another to stay out of bother. His empathy is triggered.    

    Adam shook his hair into his eyes so Tommy couldn’t see his face, and Tommy shivered. He had never seen Adam break down like this. He was always so controlled of his emotions. Adam completely turned away from Tommy as he cried, hands grasping anything for support.

     Soon, he was sliding down the wall, drawing his knees to his chest. Without a second thought, Tommy wormed his way towards Adam and sat next to him. He wrapped an arm around Adam’s shoulders and pulled him close, gently rubbing his arm.

     Despite the heaviness in his stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against Adam's. Adam sunk into the warmth of Tommy's side, appreciative of the simple gesture. Still, the violent sobs increased. His walls, the walls that hold him up, that make him strong just... collapsed.

      Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from his chin, drenching his own shirt. Perhaps these tears will help wash the destruction out.

      He pressed his head against the wall, trembling with every intake of air. He can't stop.  The hug was a simple enough gesture—affection, perhaps the fragile beginnings of the end.

     The arms that held Adam were soft, yet strong. The feel of Tommy’s body so close to his soothed him more than he had expected. But he was still breathing too hard, and Tommy was afraid he would end up on the verge of collapsing.

     "Adam, match my breathing." Tommy's voice is soft against his ear. "Slow down. You're hyperventilating."     

  Adam is trying. Steady and strong, in comparison his is ragged and erratic, but Adam can't control himself enough to calm down so he can match Tommy's breathing. He can't focus on slowing his heart rate, focus on the person who probably means the most to him.

     Tommy's hand moves to rub large, slow circles into Adam's back to help calm him down. Adam inhales sharply, becoming lightheaded. "Control it," Tommy murmurs. "Breathe, slow down, and just breathe."

     Adam listens, keeps focusing on matching Tommy’s breathing, and he begins to calm down. He's breathing so easily, so calmly now, it suddenly makes Adam embarrassed at his own behavior.

    Tommy doesn't ask questions. Just holds Adam close to him, so close he can hear Adam's heartbeat. Adam finally lifts his head so he can look at Tommy.

     He expects to find discomfort, for Adam knew Tommy didn’t deal well with other people’s emotions. Instead he finds eyes the color of rich soil flecked with black, filled with concern and a hint of curiosity.

    Tommy’s face was clear of makeup. His blonde hair was unruly, falling into the left side of his face, a sharp contrast to his porcelain skin.

     “I hate myself more than anything,” Adam whispered. “I’m afraid, Tommy. I’m afraid. I feel emotionless, and everything just looks dead. I don’t know who I am. I never did." Tommy's hand moves a stray hair from Adam's eyes. 

    "I moved out as soon as I could, to get away. And now, I have no tangible reason to feel like this. I have no reason to feel so empty, but I still am, and falling apart seems to be the only relief I can get.

    "It’s the only time where I actually feel like myself. Eventually, I became so accustomed to wearing the mask of fake emotions on my face, that when it finally fell...I barely recognized myself."   

       "When did it fall?" Tommy murmured.     

     "When I met you." He looked away.

     "Everything fell when I met you. And I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to leave, because I knew it would hurt you, and I didn't want to leave because it would hurt myself.

      "But I fought for my dominance, to somehow overpower your persistence, but I couldn't and I still can't. I still feel empty inside, just like I did all those years ago.

    "But I don’t remember my father beating me. I just remember hiding. I guess that makes it less scary if you can't remember. It forced me to grow up too quickly. I was just a frightened little boy who grew up angry, distant and lonely. I crave to have a relationship, but I’m afraid of many things."      

     He paused.    

    "Working at the bar was the only job that hired at sixteen. I never did much; just sat in a cage and watched people dance. People thought it was hot, like some kind of freaky entertainment. That's what I am to them, 'The Entertainment.' Eventually it became a sense of comfort to me.

     "No one could bother me, touch me, unless I were the one to open the cage. I was in control. Even on nights where I didn't interact with the crowd at all, they still threw money down. I picked it up. I never did anything to deserve it. I guess me sitting in a cage was enough for them.”      

     Adam seems to have a difficult time telling Tommy this, and Tommy briefly wonders if he is not what Adam needs right now. "Don't leave." Adam reads his mind. "There's something else."    

       Tommy waits.

       "I'm gay." Adam blurts out. Then, he turns away again but keeping his eyes forward so he can see Tommy's reaction without having to look at him directly. Tommy processed the words. "Did Sutan tell you?" Adam inquired after a minute.     

   Tommy shook his head, which was the truth. And obviously Adam is expecting a terrible reaction from Tommy, and Tommy admits he was surprised, but it's not a big deal, which is what Adam expects.

       "Okay." He whispered.   

    Adam looks at him, confused.    

    "Okay," Tommy repeats, offering a small reassuring smile. "It's okay."  

       And then Adam's crying all over again because there's nobody quite like Tommy who understands him. Tommy holds him, runs his fingers through Adam's hair,  sometimes whispering soft, comforting words to the distraught man.

     They sat in silence, Adam's head against Tommy's shoulder, Tommy's fingers dancing over the bare freckled skin on Adam's shoulder beneath his flannel shirt.

   It is well into the afternoon when Adam is stable again. They're still on the floor, backs leaning against the wall "I spoke to my advisor, and she arranged it to have you moved into my dorm." He smiled down at Adam, still petting the dark locks. "You don't have to live with that asshole anymore."     

      Adam leans against Tommy's shoulder. "Thank you." He murmured. He had stopped crying by now, but his eyes were red-laced and his face was red, blotchy, and puffy. Tommy's phone vibrated on the floor, and he glanced down.    

      It was Natalie.   

     《Where are you?》   

      He stiffened. Adam raised his head to read the message. He didn't say anything after he read it, just dropped his head back to Tommy's shoulder, closing his eyes. Tommy stares at the phone, watching as several other messages pop up from Natalie.

      _《Tommy answer me.》_

_《I know you're with him. You can't hide from me.》_  

         He turned off his phone. Setting it back onto the ground, he laced his fingers through Adam's. "You know," he murmured. "I'm going to think any less of you."       

        "I know." Adam said. "And you'll never know how much I appreciate it."

     They stared at their intertwined hands. Their relationship was a little more than the average "brotherly love". No, Tommy cared flat _out_ for this man, more than he should, and more than Adam should allow him to.

     It was complicated, and sometimes stressful, and it actually scares Tommy at how much he would give up for Adam. They had just met merely a few months ago.

      Adam looks up at Tommy with a calm, expression and a small smile. Surely he heard Tommy's throat close, heart thrashing in his chest?

     They're sitting so close, it's a wonder if Adam can't. Tommy is caught between two worlds, shoved through one, only to be pulled back through the other. But these strange feelings Tommy has for him can't end until his body ceases to function. His soul must be  released for whatever comes after, keeping Tommy's mind from sinking into the mire that claimed him in the past.

    Heart pounding, Tommy's hands slid down from Adam's shoulder. Adam was still looking up at Tommy, his gaze never wavering. As their hands meet, so do their lips.


	9. Nine

     "Tommy? May I speak with you before you leave?" His professor asked as students filed out of the room. Tommy nodded, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. His professor sat at his desk, peering up at Tommy from his glasses. "Tommy, I'm a little concerned about you in this class. Is everything all right at home?"  

      Tommy nodded again, thinking about the several shots of Nyquil he had downed the night before because he couldn't sleep, and then the two other shots of whiskey this morning to keep him awake. "Everything’s cool, I guess I’ve been slacking off a little.”      

     The middle-aged man showed a bit of sympathy in his expression. “But that’s not like you,” he insisted. “You’re one of my best students who always handled everything. And suddenly it just drops.” His face became more serious. “Listen, I know I just might be a professor to these kids, but I care about my students. I want to be certain that you get the help that you may need.”  

    What ‘ _help_ ’ is he implying? Tommy adjusts his bag again, looking uncomfortable and feeling defensive. _He doesn't need help._ He just wants to leave before anyone else notices the issues that his professor is implying.

    Does he know about Tommy's unhealthy state? This might be Tommy’s chance to rat Natalie out. All the shit she has done to him. If his professor kept pressuring, Tommy might tell. “Are you sure everything is all right?” Tommy nodded, conserving the lie into his eyes.      

     His professor studied him before nodding. “All right, you may go.” Tommy exhaled, both relieved and disappointed as he entered the nearly-empty hallway. It was bad enough that selected people knew about his condition, but now his professors were beginning to suspect something.

     They might alert his parents, and that was the  _last_  thing Tommy needed. He exited the building and adjusted the hood of his jacket so it covered the bruises dotting along his throat. From a distance, he was being watched. Caught in his feelings, Tommy made his way down the street, paranoid that people were looking at his neck. Much to his displeasure, his mind began to wander.      

  _“I’m sorry,” Adam breathed against Tommy’s lips._

_Tommy isn’t._

_He had fisted the material of Adam’s shirt, drawing him closer. He was well aware of what he had done, and for that, he wasn’t sorry at all. They had pulled away only to be drawn back together. Adam’s hands tilting Tommy’s head where he wanted it, Tommy’s own hands clinging to Adam’s flannel shirt, both tongues battling for dominance. No, he wasn’t sorry for a damn thing._

    Tommy briefly brought his fingers to his lips, still feeling the tingle that Adam had permanently left. Dropping his hand back to his side, he continued down the street, past the campus, and into the mouth of the woods. He periodically looked behind him, specifically for Natalie, in case she had spotted him.    

        Entering the mouth of the woods, Tommy kept going until he couldn’t see the campus. Dropping his bag at an oak tree, Tommy stuck his hand between the large gab that separated the trunk of the tree until he felt what he was looking for. Pulling it out, Tommy unzipped the bag, pulling out the instrument.

     The guitar was an original. Its heavy wood was satisfying in Tommy’s hands, and its tones were rich and full. It was old, and to some, just an ordinary brown, wooden, acoustic guitar. But what Tommy did with it was far from ordinary. He was a genius, the sweet refrain of the guitar’s strings spoke a musical language that only Tommy could understand.    

        The strumming sound had a hypnotic, soothing quality that only those who truly listened understood. Tommy sat down on the stump of a tree, strumming his guitar as the glowing of the moonlight caved into his face.  

     He would twist his fingers in all sorts of odd shapes to form chords, often closing his eyes because the motions were so familiar to him that he didn’t need to look. The woods were silent and the flashing lights of speeding cars in the city would rumble in the distance, but he didn’t care. This is how he spent his teenage years.  

      He did this whenever his father nagged about his career choices, or tried to ‘inspire’ Tommy to do better and quit wasting his time with a wooden piece with strings that would never earn his name in the news, or when Natalie was having one of her bitch flips. Tommy never regretted it once.

     Adam watched from behind another tree like a complete stalker, mesmerized and severely impressed with Tommy’s skills. Tommy’s back was to Adam, but Adam could tell Tommy was lost in the music. He made no effort to reveal himself because he wanted to keep listening to Tommy play. It was like another realm had opened, and Tommy was a new person, creating art with his hands.  

      Soon, too soon, the music had stopped and Adam blinked to clear his head. Tommy carefully put away the instrument into its case, and Adam ducked behind the tree as Tommy turned around. Blue eyes shining through the green bushes, Adam watched Tommy carefully place the guitar into the Oak tree, before turning away, and exiting the woods.      

 

* * *

 

        _Dearest love,  I am writing to you for the last time, for there has been an attack at the club that I reside in. I am wounded severely, and may not make it through the night. I promised you I would be at home for a few weeks so I could see you and I'm sorry. But there are things you must know. You are loved. You told me once that you weren't loved, but I'm going to prove you wrong._

_You were there to listen to my problems when no one else was, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Number 2: Do not blame yourself for what has happened to you. You are so intelligent, so brave, and I will never regret opening that door during that stormy night._

_Do not drink yourself until I fade from your mind. I will always be with you. I will see that you are taking care of, wherever you may end up. I have contacted a few people that will see to your needs. When you get out of that hellhole, (and you will) you will meet someone who will take care of you._

_His name is Sutan, and he is a dearest friend of mine. He will guide you, and heal you.  My thoughts are becoming foggy, so I must be going soon. I love you, Adam. See you on the other side._  

     Adam folded the letter into its original form, placing it on the table. "How long have you had that?" Sutan asks quietly.    

        "Since the night it was given to me. I think I was thirteen."   

       Sutan nods once. "Tell me what you're thinking."    

       "The letter brings back memories of dark rooms and sobbing, but I can't bring myself to get rid of it. It's the only thing I have left."    

      "Have you talked about it with Tommy?"    

      "No." Adam shakes his head. Then he takes a deep breath. "Sutan, there's something I need to tell you. Tommy's closest friend is alcohol. He never leaves it, and it never leaves him. No one wants an OD mess, but he's dying and he doesn't give a damn. His world is falling apart, and I think he wants it to. And I don't know what to do."    

 _Adam had hesitated halfway into the kiss, but it only encouraged Tommy even farther. "I'm sorry." Adam had whispered. But he isn't._  

   Sutan smiled sadly. "His life is a beautiful tragedy."

          "I can't let him destroy himself." Adam states. "I _can't_."    

      "So what do you propose we do? Tie him up, throw him in the car and take him to a shrink—a _stranger_ that he doesn't know, who expects Tommy to tell him everything? That isn't going to work. Tommy isn't going to do that, and I wouldn't expect him to. Neither of you, for that matter."      

    "But he's  _dying_ ," Adam stressed. "He won't eat because of Natalie, he's weak and frail, and he refuses help. All he does is drink."      

     "Then take it into your hands," Sutan responded calmly. "Tommy seeks comfort in you, so take advantage of it. You two are living together now, yes?"    

     Adam nods. "I moved in my stuff the other day. Tonight will be our first night together."    

      "So why aren't you there now?"      

     "Because...." he trailed off.     

     Sutan suddenly looked interested. " _What_ did you do?"    

      "Nothing!" Adam defended. 

     Sutan slapped a hand over his own mouth. "No, you didn't!"        

     "What?" Adam blushed furiously.  

        "Oh my God, ya'll did. You kissed him!"      

   Adam blushed past his hairline. "He kissed me first!"      

      "But you allowed him to," Sutan interrogated.       

       "Maybe?"    

     Sutan leaned back with a smug grin. "Well, well, well. Look at Adam. Tell me everything."    

        "There's nothing to tell. We were talking, we both felt like shit, and he just leaned in."      

    Sutan clicked his tongue in approval.

     "Looks like I've got a couple Glory Hole brothers on my hands."      

     Adam blushed again, glaring at Sutan, who was cackling. "Well, I was going to say this is a perfect opportunity to get to know him, but it looks like you already _accomplished_ that part."      

       "Sutan!" Adam hid his face with his hands.  He laughed again, ducking the straw that Adam chucked very poorly at him. He definitely wasn't a baseball player.

     "Adam, go home." Sutan said as he quit laughing.   

       "It's going to be awkward." Adam almost whined, pulling on ebony strands of hair. "And I don't want to ruin what friendship we have."    

      "It was stress induced. You both were feeling low, and your emotions got involved. 

      " He isn't gay though. I completely forced myself onto him."      

     "Adam, it was a kiss. It's not like you whipped out your dick."    

      Adam blushed furiously— _again_  at Sutan's blunt words. "Think of it as a friendly kiss. Tommy isn't going to go to the police. And it it's awkward, then give it time."  Sutan's words eased him, just the slightest, but Adam still looked doubtful. 

 

   

* * *

 

        Adam's hand rested on the doorknob of his new home. Inside, it was dead quiet inside, but the lights were on. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. His eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, and focused on Tommy lying on his bed. If he were any quieter, he would be dead. "Tommy?" Adam whispered tentatively. Silence answered him.

     Then a small: "Hey."

     "What is it?" Adam asked, concern seeping into his tone and he stood by Tommy's bed.

     More silence. Then: "I'm not sure." Adam searched Tommy's face.

     "You're drunk?"

    "No," Tommy sat up. "I'm completely sober."

     "How many fingers am I holding up?"

       "Four."

     "And now?"

      "Two."

     "Three, but I'm going to assume that it was the lighting." He studied Tommy. "What's wrong?"

     Tommy hugged his knees. "Natalie stopped by. Told me she was pregnant."

      "....Is she?"

     "Not by me," Tommy shakes his head. "I'm not exactly going to _accuse_ her of cheating, but unless she's lying, there's no way it's mine."

      "Why would she lie?" Adam asked carefully.

     "To keep me from leaving. The last time we—" He suddenly blushed. "Was a year ago. So, if she's pregnant by me, then the child would be one year old. Very unlikely." Adam nodded in agreement. 

      "So if it's not yours, then why are you so upset?"

      "Because she's so desperate." Tommy says. "She'll literally say anything, or do anything to keep me with her. Shit like this, especially pregnancy is so common in college, and it messes with my mind because I have to literally remember and go back in time to see if it's true." Then he sighed. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. But hey, welcome to your new room." He smiled genuinely and Adam couldn't help returning it. 

   


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves, I apologize for the delay. I've been busy recently so I haven't had the time to update. A small note: usually the italicized longer text in the chapters are flashbacks of Tommy's (or Adam's) pasts. Hope it wasn't confusing before the announcement :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to @Nijah. *laughing face* Thank you for your constant reminders for me to finish this chapter that I have been procrastinating for weeks. Much love.

       It's hot outside, so it's going to be one of _those_ days. Frat parties on every block, ones that Tommy's neighbors are going to go to, dragging Tommy along with them. Adam's at work, and wouldn't get off soon, so Tommy was alone. As if on que, a brisk knock on the door confirmed his thoughts. 

     "TJ, there's a par- _tay_ two blocks over tonight! You coming?" Aaron called.

     Tommy responded through the closed door. "Nah, I'm staying here tonight. Thanks, man." 

      "Tommy!" A different voice whined. "It's gonna be fun!"

      Tommy hummed a sarcastic answer to himself. "I'll go next time, alright?" 

       The answer was muffled at first, then Aaron responded. "I'll be holding you to that promise TJ. See you later man."   

     He sighed in relief, collapsing onto his bed. He is in no shape to be seen in the public. His fingers were red and bleeding earlier, not so much now, but his lips are stained, still tasting like lighter fluid and beer. 

      His hair is a mess from his hands running through it. Lungs aching with each intake of air and pulse thudding in his skin, he could barely manage more than short, shallow breaths. Everything is blurry, moving at an alarmingly fast pace.

These were one of his rough days. But the summer of 06' was probably the worst. Tommy had just graduated high school, and had gotten into one of the biggest fights with his father about his major. Around this time, Tommy also began heavily drinking, and Natalie’s violent rages started. 

      He moved out and jumped place to place, until it came close to college. Tommy knew he should probably get his life together, but it's hard to change when for years, home has been wherever your head lies at night. Tommy runs a hand through the half blond-half natural brown mess he calls hair, and dreads the future. 

       He's exhausted, if the dark circles underneath his eyes weren't a dead giveaway. They say alcohol can block out even the most painful memories, so he'd like to put that to the test. _Damn, maybe he should’ve gone to the party with Aaron._ His hands tremble uncontrollably.  Years of swallowing those harmful pills have finally caught up with him, and he was only nineteen.

     He can feel the sweat drench his skin, the throbbing of his own eyes, and he’s almost positive that he’s going into cardiac arrest. But, not three minutes later did someone knock again. "I'm not going out tonight!" Tommy called.

     No one answered, but the knocking grew more urgent. _Son of a bitch._ Irritated, Tommy flung himself out of bed and stalked to the door, flinging that open as well. "I'm not going out—" the words died in his throat as he caught sight of the person.    

     "Can we talk?" Natalie whispered, arms hugging around her midsection. Her wild, long, thick brown hair hung in ringlets around her face. She must've just come in from the rain.

      Every fiber in Tommy’s body was screaming at him, but Tommy’s curious, stupid ass wanted to see what this girl had to say. Adam wouldn't be home until later, and he'd flip his shit if he saw her. Tommy nodded, probably signing his death certificate as he opened the door wider. 

* * *

 

       Streaks of pink wander to the end of the earth, as a blazing orange sets fire to the clouds. A light purple reaches to the horizon. His hair fell loose, sliding through his fingers and about his face, tousled, tangled. Under the fading sun it appeared its natural brown, the honey blonde streaks lost to the night.

     His senses sharpened as he heard the door being unlocked. “ _Fuck_!” He seethed, unprepared, and moving to turn off the light. But it was too late. Adam had already heard. The bathroom door opened and Tommy tried looking as casual as he could, which almost seemed impossible while lying on the bathroom floor. "Hey."

     "What are you doing?" Adam blinked at him. 

      "Admiring the architecture."

    Adam stepped closer. "You're foxed."

      " _Drunk_ ," Tommy corrects.

    "It means the same thing. Are you throwing up?"

     Tommy scooted back as far as his legs would allow him to. "No."

      "Tommy.” Adam seemed tired. Too tired. “Don't lie to me."

     "I'm not." Tommy shot back. "Anymore."

     Adam sighed, a hand running through his hair. "Why are you throwing up?"

      "Because I feel fat." Tommy admits, turning away from him. Adam is caught between yelling at him, or talking it through. He caught a glimpse of something silver. 

    "Tommy." Adam says calmly. "What is that in your hand?" 

     Tommy moved farther back again, almost slamming his back into the sink. "Nothing."

     "Tommy. Give me the blade." His reflexes were piss-pore since he was hopelessly drunk, so Adam easily got ahold of the blade. "Can you stand?"    

     "Yeah, but you might not want me to."

      "Why?"

   Tommy says nothing. He just rolls up his sleeve, displaying his forearms. Might as well show the damage. Adam sucks in a large, sharp breath. But he was unfazed. "Who did this to you?"

     "Natalie." Tommy replied.

     "Natalie did this?"

      "No! We did it together, on our own arms. It's like we're...healing together."

    Adam grabs Tommy's arm. "This is healing? Drinking yourself to the epitome of death? Cutting at yourself until you're stupid? Do you even realize how dangerous this is?"

     Tommy pulls away. "Who cares? It's my body."

    "I care!" Adam says, frustrated. He looked like he wanted to punch somebody. "I care, but you don't seem to see it." Adam let go of Tommy's arm to swipe at his eyes, and he stood up.

      Turning— _slamming_ , rather—off the light, he left Tommy alone in the bathroom. Stunned and embarrassed by his behavior, Tommy cleans his wounds and wraps it. He quietly exits the bathroom to find the dorm empty.

      Panicked, Tommy scoured the room to find Adam's keys. He had only been living here for a few weeks, and already Tommy is stirring up shit. He sighed in relief when he found them stashed in Adam's drawer. He was coming back. Hours past and Adam finally returns, jaw set and eyes hard.

    While Adam was gone, Tommy shattered a mirror with his hands. Good thing he’s not superstitious. But Adam hasn't spoken to Tommy in four days, which Tommy thought was impossible since they lived together. All it did was make Tommy feel worse.

     At this point, he didn't care. He didn't care if he lived or died, because eventually you experience both. Adam has been leaving every day, returning around early morning when Tommy is asleep, only to leaving again right as dawn hits. This particular day when Adam hasn’t returned yet, Tommy sat in self-pity—something he didn’t deserve to do.

           He cried, screamed, cursed, and just about everything else because he was hurting. Right now, there’s nothing he can do. The hospital is going to take one look at him and whisper “Rehab” and off Tommy goes. But who the hell cares.

     Tommy had given up on himself years ago, but now Adam has too— _possibly_. The one person that Tommy cares about, has had enough of his bullshit. So, he sits on his bed, because what's done is done. He can't ever change that. He just hopes that one day his mother will forgive him.

       When Adam finally returns home, its eerily quiet, which isn’t exactly unusual. It’s been almost a week since Adam went rogue, so Tommy could very well be out with friends, or even asleep, since it was close to 1am. He unlocked the door quietly, stepping in the darkened room. He began to think Tommy was asleep, until he heard the sweet, familiar refrain of the acoustic guitar.

     Adam strained to listen through the closed bathroom door, one: because it was his favorite song and two: not many people play instruments in the facilities. Then, it stopped. The door suddenly burst open and Adam jumped back like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

        Tommy looked at him with curious eyes, and Adam’s own eyes drifted to Tommy’s hair. “Did you…dye part of your hair?” He finally asked. The first seven words he’s spoken to Tommy in a week.

     “No,” Tommy protested, “I just skinned a skunk and sewed its tail to my skull." Well…he’s not wrong. It _does_ look like a skunk tail. Adam bit his lip to contain a smile because he was still pissed and didn't want to give in that easily. But how could he not? It was Tommy. “It looks great.”

         “Whatever,” Tommy rolled his eyes. Even drunk, he wasn’t stupid. “So, are you talking to me again, or is this just an illusion of my mind?”

    Adam smirked. Smartass.

   “For the time being, until you do something else ignorant. Care to explain, by the way?” He motioned to Tommy’s arms.

   Tommy folded them across each other, minding his guitar. “No.”

     Adam nodded. “Okay. I figured it would be easier to tell me first before the hospital asked, so you’d have a person to confide in that you trust, but if you want to tell multiple strangers, that’s fine too—”

      “What?”

     “We’re going to get you some help, Tommy. I can't let you sit here and destroy yourself." 

    "I'm not destroying myself." Tommy watched the way Adam moved. Something was off about him. He seemed more tired than usual. 

     "Say what you want, but I care too much about you. I can't stand in the sidelines while you spiral down. So, we're going to get you some help. We're going to get you off that alcohol, get some vitamins and minerals in you, and hopefully start you on a healthier diet so you'll put on some weight." While Adam  spoke, Tommy could see himself slowly losing it. 

      "I understand you're probably pissed at me for this, but we have to help you. Okay?"

     Tommy squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay." He managed to get out. 

      "Tommy." Adam's voice calls to him. "It's going to be alright." But is it? Because he doesn't feel like it is. Nothing is going to be alright. "Tommy?" Soft spoken, Adam is. "Please don't cry."

    _Is Tommy crying?_ Shit. 

    Tommy swiped at his eyes. He recognizes that he definitely needs help, he just doesn't relish going _through_ with it. To actually admit to yourself and others that you need help is a big thing, expecially when the inevitable finally sets in that you're actually unstable. Clear skin, black hair and blue eyes suddenly step into Tommy's line of vision, and strong arms wrap around his frame. Adam is worn and tired. But he is standing there.

    Fuck it. 

   Tommy lets go of the tiny grudge he was prepared to hold against Adam and leans into the hug, allowing Adam's softness to claim him, not because Tommy just gave up, but because someone finally cares about him. "I didn't know you played the guitar." Adam mumbles into Tommy's shirt. He decided to hold back on confessing that he had been watching that day in the woods. 

      "Self-taught." Tommy mumbles back. "Since I was twelve."

    Adam nods. 

   "Adam? If....if I have to go to some sort of therapy, will you go with me? I don't think I can be there by myself." 

     "Of course I'll go. I won't leave you there alone, Tommy." 

      Tommy looked relieved. Adam finally let go of the hug, brushing a hand through Tommy's fringe. "It doesn't look half bad with it being blond and black."

    Tommy briefly glared at Adam. "It does! Seriously. I like it." And he flashed that genuine, real smile, and it reminded Tommy of how much he really missed Adam. 

     


	11. Eleven

    Adam pulled his knees close to his chest and closed his eyes. The sun warmed his face considerably, but he was bound to get sunburned. Beside him, Tommy strums his guitar. They've been like this all morning. Tommy had already skipped two classes, and Adam's didn't start until later.  
  
      Students scattered across campus, probably still recovering from brutal hangovers. Tommy and Adam have been quite silent for a while, perhaps Tommy should say something? But he doesn't want to ruin the way Adam's face relaxes when he's quiet. He looks much softer that way, less rough and on eggshells.  
Adam probably doesn't remember, but last night he cried out in his sleep.

      It was a disturbing sound, so frantic and raw. Then afterwards, Tommy held him while he cried. Whatever happened in Adam's dream, Tommy didn't want to know. Ever. "You okay?" The soft but sudden voice startled Tommy. Curious blue eyes peeked at him from underneath Adam's arms.

     "Of course." He answered carefully.

     "You stopped playing. I thought something was wrong." Tommy couldn't help but smile. Adam had such a big heart, always questioning people he cared about.  To be honest, Tommy was actually a little envious of Adam. He was so sure of himself, his emotions and attractions towards people. Tommy once strived to have that kind of power over himself. Tommy looked across at him with that same hint of shyness that seems to only appear around Adam.  
 

     "I'm fine. Just thinking."

     "About?"

     "You." The word flew out of Tommy's mouth before he could think. Then he blushed deeply and furiously.  
Luckily, Adam played it off with a light, easy laugh.

     "Thinking about my fucked up life?"

    Tommy rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up." He bent his head down again in concentration, strumming out another tune. Immediately Adam's face relaxed again as he listened to the music. His eyes are steady to the horizon, face aglow with the sunshine.

     His lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that he is enjoying his thoughts, whatever they may be. Tommy moves closer so that he feels Adam's presence, yet stays quiet, allowing him to stay lost in the moment a while longer.  
  
      “TJ!”

   Tommy’s eyes snapped open and he blinked, as if lost in some sort of hazy state. Adam looked just as displeased. “Hey man, what’s up?” Aaron sauntered to them, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “You skipped second and third.”

    Tommy looked down at his guitar. “Yeah, I’ve been hanging out with my roommate Adam.”

      Aaron blinked before he extended a hand towards Adam, as if noticing him for the first time. “Hey. I’m Aaron, Tommy’s neighbor.”

     “Adam.” He shook Aaron’s hand firmly.

      Aaron turned his attention back to Tommy. “TJ! There’s another party happening this weekend. Why don’t you bring Adam with you?”

     “Who said I was going?” Tommy frowned, picking at his nail polish.

     “You did, love!” Aaron replied in a sing-song voice. “Last Friday you promised you’d go to the next one.”

     “Well Christ, I didn’t know it would be in the next two days.” He muttered. Then he swiped a hand at his face. “All right; we’ll be there.”

     "We?” Adam asks, shooting a look at him.

     “Great! It’s going to be so much fun. It starts at 8pm but the kegs start arriving at 7. We’re going for a black out, so come early!” Aaron called as he walked away.

   Tommy sighed heavily and glanced over at Adam. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw you out like that. It’s cool if you don’t want to go.”

    "It's cool. I'll go." Adam responded.

    "Are you sure?"

   Adam chuckled. "Yes Tommy." He smiled. "It'll be fun."

     

* * *

 

    It was not fun. It was hell. Tommy sips whatever he’s been downing for the past three hours and closes his eyes. The music was so loud that it made his skin tingle and his lungs feel like mush. The bass thumped in time with his erratic heart beat as though they were one, filling Tommy from head to toe with music. He liked this song.

     Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter could be heard. He couldn’t make out any words, but laughter rang in his ears and it wouldn’t seem to stop. The song that was playing got louder, pulling Tommy in and wouldn’t let go. He spots Adam halfway across the room, chatting to a few people Tommy doesn't recognize.

     Adam is holding a plastic, red solo cup, swarmed by people, and laughing. He looks so happy. Healthy, and God, so handsome. Whoever he's talking to, it's obvious to see that they easily make Adam laugh, one of the things Tommy tries to do often. Adam is beautiful, but he's even more beautiful when he smiles.  
  
     Tommy chokes on his beer when the stranger leans in, quickly pecking Adam on the lips before they both start cracking up again. Were they dating? Unexpected jealousy spreads through Tommy like wildfire. Why? He didn't get jealous. Adam was free to do as he pleased, with whoever he chose. It was the fact that Adam didn't choose Tommy. Then again, no one did. Who is this twink?

      Tommy has never seen him before, and certainly not with Adam. Perhaps they met when Adam went rogue? Whoever this man is, they're practically glued to Adam. Jesus, talk about personal space. He was smiling a little too innocently and inching a little too close to him.

      Tommy scoffed. This shouldn't come as a surprise; as soon as Adam walked through that door, people attracted to him like flies on shit. Adam was cool and relaxed about it, like always, but eventually even he gave in to the college life temptation and left Tommy behind.

       It wasn't supposed to happen like that; Tommy thought Adam would be the one who would shy away from the crowd,and instead find a nice spot on the stairs until Tommy was ready to leave. But that didn't go as planned, and now Tommy is the one resting his head on the wooden railing, often squeezing himself into tight spaces so the drunk students wouldn't trample him as they stumbled up the stairs, probably looking for a bedroom so they can fuck.

      That must explain the constant furniture banging against the wall.  
Adam suddenly stopped mid-sentence, looking towards Tommy's direction. He must’ve felt eyes on him. Shit. Tommy immediately looked down, jumping up from the stairs and turning on his heel to go upstairs. Panicked, his dilated eyes search for an exit. He can practically hear Adam behind him.

       Pushing through bodies, at last minute, Tommy darted into a closet. How ironic, a closet gay man in a closet',He growled to himself. Did he have a crush on Adam? It would appear so. Was he fucked? That would also appear so. He waited. Held his breath. He could hear Adam ask a few people if they've seen a short blond with brown eyes. Of course, the wasted youth hasn't, to Tommy's advantage. He waited, becoming slightly claustrophobic.

      The music was as loud as thunder; it made the floorboards underneath Tommy’s creepers vibrate. Neon lights flashed everywhere like police sirens, but much more colorful. He needed to get his thoughts together. Maybe they were just friends? Maybe it was an accident; Tommy isn’t feeling all too great either, thanks to the still unidentified liquid in his own cup. Or maybe whatever Tommy thought they had between them wasn’t real.

  
     Since the party, Tommy has been avoiding the world. He's been lying in bed for half a week, not eating, and not going to class. Surely he's about to be kicked out. Since the party, Adam has been going out more. He's rarely home now, except to shower and sleep. And even so, it's rare when that happens. Aaron had made Adam his new "party buddy", instead of Tommy.

      He could lie and say it didn't bother him, but it did. More so than he'd like to admit. Adam is still his same, good natured man at heart, but for some reason, he was attracting more attention than perhaps was wise. Tommy rolls over cocooning himself in his bed sheets. He was freezing. Sutan says it's because he barely has any meat on his bones, but Tommy thinks it runs much deeper than that.

      No something is definitely wrong with him. His phone buzzed against his face and he groaned, flipping one eye open to look at the caller. Then he rolled his eyes, answering. "What?" He snapped.

    "Tommy?" A tiny voice answered.

     He rolled his eyes again. "Yes?"  
"Are you okay?"

    Pause.

      Did this bipolar bitch actually ask if he were okay? Tommy rubs his tired eyes. "What do you want, Natalie?"

      "I just...wanted to say that I hope..You're doing well." Then she abruptly hung up. Tommy sat there, his phone still pressed against the side of his face, staring off at the ceiling. He was becoming alarmingly dizzy, like everything was spinning too fast. There's a sharp sound ringing in Tommy's ears, and it's annoyingly loud as hell.  
Must be those whiskey shots from earlier--damn it.

    Somehow, he got himself to stand. 'Adam probably doesn't have these problems,' he thought bitterly to himself. His phone ringed again. That ringtone was annoying. "What, fucker?" He barked. The reception line cracked, and was replaced by frantic, heavy breathing.

    "Tommy?"

    That got his attention. He sat up quickly. "Adam?" Then he mentally cursed at himself. He shouldn't have sounded so desperate on the phone. Adam didn't need him. Why would he be calling? Tommy cleared his throat, leaning back and picking at his nail polish again. "Yes? What can I assist you with?"  
There was a rustling noise.

    "Um...I need help."

     "I'm sure Aaron is willing to do whatever you need him to." He acted like he didn't care.

     "Aaron's not here." Adam snapped. "We got separated. Listen, I don't know where I'm at. And there's something wrong."

     "With what?" Tommy asked impatiently.

     "I don't know. I feel like something is wrong."

      Tommy sighed, already shoving on his sneakers. "I don't have a car. Are you near the campus?"

     "I don't know. Nothing looks familiar."  
Tommy sucked air into his cheeks. Never let it be said that he didn't care for this man.

  
      It was freezing outside. Tommy pulled his black hood farther over his head until he could barely see. Damn you, Adam. His jeans provided little to no heat, and the wind seemed to seep right through every uncovered piece of skin and chill him to the bone. Tommy clenched his teeth and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, fighting to stay warm.  
  
     Clouds of his breath pooled in front of his face as people moved busily down the streets. A sharp, child scream caught Tommy's attention and he looked up.

     "Stop screaming!" his mother screamed, smacking the boy across the back of his head as the child cried. Tommy flinched. The child crumpled like a stack of cards onto the ground. Tommy stared as the mother forcefully pulled on the child's arm, barking that he stands up.  
  
      Feeling eyes on her, the woman's head snapped towards Tommy. Blinking, Tommy hurried away. He still didn't know the direction he was going. The farther he went, the smaller the campus became. Tommy began to feel uneasy. He had seen plenty of horror movies that started like this.

       The alone individual walking down the deserted, unfamiliar street, slightly drunk. They hear a distant sound and turn around, only to find nothing. Then the killer jumps out of nowhere and slits their throat, dragging them off to dump their body in a ditch and let maggots decompose the flesh.

       Tommy makes a face. Okay so maybe that was a bit extreme. Nevertheless, he watched his surroundings. A hand clamped over his mouth and Tommy wasted no time. He squirmed and started kicking, anything. He would not die in these jeans tonight. "Shh," the voice murmured, pressing Tommy's back against their chest. Tommy had no choice but to relax.  
     

      Leaves rustled from behind them, and Tommy's captor pressed them against a tree. When the sounds quieted, Tommy broke away from the grip to face his captor in the eyes. Adam's eyes were vibrant and bright in the dark, and he looked out of breath. "Did you see that?" He whispered.

      "See what?" Tommy hissed. Adam giggled boyishly.

      "I don't know," he whispered back. Tommy pulled away.

      "You're drunk." He said, almost disappointed. "Very drunk."

      Adam laughed as if Tommy said something hilarious. He staggered and Tommy rolled his eyes. "Let's go." He mumbled, shoving his hands deep inside his pockets and turning to walk away. Adam pranced after him, giggling the entire time. When they reached campus, Tommy unlocked their door and flipped on the light. Adam hissed, stumbling and shutting his eyes. Tommy turned the light off. "Sorry." He muttered. "Get in here. Put your pajamas on and go to bed. It's late."

       Tommy watched as Adam stepped inside the room. He was drunk as hell but his eyes never left Tommy. "Put on your pajamas." Tommy reminded. Adam stepped closer to Tommy, creating little to no space between them. Adam searched Tommy's eyes. "Adam..." Tommy whispered.

    Adam blinked in response. Tommy inched closer. "You're drunk." Tommy whispered, staring at Adam's lips. "I know," Adam whispered back, closing the last bit of space between them.

   

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something new; something a little more positive :)


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